And more Singles nonsense...

Here's some more of my singles reviews....

The Sundays "Summertime"
Chart Position #15
1997
Parlophone

Remember them? Not exactly known for their workrate, they released 3 albums in 8 years, hardly toured and didn't really have any mainstream hits. But they're not obscure enough to be cult. Anyway, here's one single from their small back catalogue. Their first single in five years at the time, it didn't disappoint, with trademark jangly guitar and Harriet Wheeler's soaring voice transporting you to a field somewhere in the middle of the Lake District during a heatwave. Or is that just me? Wonderful song from the criminally underrated "Static & Silence" CD, which contains the brilliant "Newman & Baddiel" theme tune..

And then they were gone again. To return? We just don't know. I'd bet against it. I'm just glad I got to see them in 97 on their last (?) tour at the Manchester University.

The Sundays. To be treasured.

... which leads me into...

Natalie Imbruglia "Wrong Impression"
Chart Position #10
2002

Yes, Natalie Imbruglia. Hear me out.

Good grief, it's going to be ten years very shortly since the always popular "Torn" was released and the lovely gorgeous Nat’s still around, chipping away at the pop coalface, having the occasional hit here and there. I seemed to like most of her singles that she released actually, and her first album still stands up today. Now "First Impression" seems she and co-writer Gary Clark have been listening to the aforementioned "Sundays", as this is a virtual homage. Or rip off if you're being honest. And very good it is too. If you can't have the real thing, then next best thing will do.

Have I mentioned Miss Imbruglia looks gorgeous? Oh yes I have.

Information Society "What's On Your Mind"
London Records/Tommy Boy Records 1988
Chart Position #3 (US)
Somewhere outside Top 75 (UK)

First CD single I ever bought, fact fans. Being forever Electroboy, I was suffering a Human League withdrawal back in 1988. Sure there was a Greatest Hits released but no new stuff. Then I saw this on the not-at-all-missed "Night Network" on ITV. Hey! Guy sounds a bit like Phil Oakey (though actually in retrospect he's more Tom Bailey from Thompson Twins), and it sounds like prime early 80s electro. I had to hunt this down (these were lean times remember- The Hollies were number one again and The Pasadenas were the future of soul). So an order was made with my local record emporium and lo, my first CDSingle was purchased. £3.99, I ask you.

I scanned the Record Mirror mag for the next few weeks, checking the almost legendary James Hamilton's dance pages for mentions of this sure to be a hit track, and the Top 75 listings at the back. Not a sign. No airplay on Radio One either. Not even Bruno Brookes, and he broke Jesus Jones for gawd's sake.

So the UK passed on this one. Their loss. I know nothing of the group or their other output. I assume it was a one-hit wonder in the States, no doubt becoming a hit because anoraks liked the the Star Trek samples. Probably.

And here they are again...

SAINT ETIENNE "Like A Motorway"
Heavenly Records

HVN 40
Released: May 1994
Chart Position #47

Number 47. It's a disgrace.

For what are one of the finest exponents of British singles over the last 16 years, Saint Etienne have done very badly in the charts. This song is a prime example. Should have been massive. Shouldn't they all? But wasn't.

It's almost like a Phil Spector song done in a Kraftwerk style. Sarah's vocals tell a story of a doomed romance over the hypnotic Moroderesque backing track. Anorak fact: of course the single version misses out a verse from the "Tiger Bay" version and they now do that version live, which is a shame. The verse that time forgot.

Bob Stanley of the group said: "Number Forty-Seven with a bullet. The Americans tried to get us to change the title to Like A Freeway! Can you believe it? We said, Autobahn was a hit all around the world, fuck off."

The American remix of this song has a "charm" all of it's own i.e it's a got guitars on it now, but is not in the same league as the original. Apparently the vocal line and some of the lyrical content of this song seem to owe quite a large debt to Joan Baez's "Silver Dagger". I've never heard it so can't comment on if it's a ripoff or not.
All I know is it's a superb single, and the CD contains one of DJ & film music composer David "Ocean's Eleven" Holmes's earliest and best remixes.

Back to the 80's now...

What do I know about Jona Lewie? Sod all really, without my "Virgin Book Of 80s music" to hand. Errr, part of the Stiff label line-up around 77 to 81, always seemed to be on Swap Shop or Radio One, had a massive hit with Xmas fave “Stop The Cavalry” and presumably makes so much each year in royalties that he need never work again. That’s it.

So whilst “Cavalry” is a bona fide pop gem, over familiarity sometimes breeds contempt so I’m not having that track. Instead I’d go for the earlier single “You’ll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties”, a neglected downbeat electropop classic.

Released May 1980
Stiff Records
UK Chart position #16

I had this track on a battered old Ronco compilation called “Street Level” back in 1981, which as an eleven year old at the time was like an entry level sampler for all things new wave (John Foxx! PIL! XTC! Dickies! Errrr..Nick Straker Band! …nevermind)… and I hadn’t heard the song for years until recently when I picked up the “Hard Night’s Day” Stiff compilation CD with this on it (frankly I’d nominate the entire Stiff records output from 79 to 81 if I could be arsed).

Lewie’s vocal style is so low-key it’s as if he’s actually singing it from the studio next door, and the female vocal on the chorus is so 1980 it hurts. Great synth keyboard break as well.

Wikipedia brought up this though. I didn’t know that he was partly responsible for the 70s hit “Seaside Shuffle” by Terry Dactyl & The Dinosaurs though. But then again my name is not Tim Rice, and this is not “Pop Quiz”.

and finally...

Lisa Marie with Malcolm McLaren & The Bootzilla Orchestra "Something's Jumpin' In Your Shirt"
Chart position #29
Epic Records
August 1989

I knew Celia was someone special when I found this in the pile of her 7" singles buried under the stairs. She and I had bought the very same obscure single. A glorious record from McLarens "Waltz Darling" album, featuring the lovely US model Lisa Marie on "vocals", and a certified minor hit. Is she singing about the feelings of love in her heart, or is she just alluding to the fact that she has large breasts? Hmmm. Should have been massive but the charts were odd back then. You place this single with his earlier hits "Double Dutch", "Buffalo Gals" & "Madam Butterfly", and that makes McLaren unslaggable to these ears.

Fascinating fact no 563: Lisa Marie was briefly engaged to director & full time goth Tim Burton. She is very easy on the eye. He is not. As you can see. And plucked from the archives, here's the video for the single which is made in that Bruce Weber style. Thanks YouTube.

"ThyouTube".

More of my ramblings about Singles

On the "Cookd & Bombd" website's forum, there's a thread for us to list our 1000 fave singles. I've previously posted many of my faves from that forum on my own blog. Here's some more...

PAUL McCARTNEY & WINGS "Band On The Run"

Released 28 June 1974
Chart Position: #3 (what????!!!! It’s a crime.)

I blame my Mum. There was this album in the front room where the stereo was, when I was about 4 or 5 years old. The album had a cover (right) featuring loads of blokes dressed in black frozen still under a big searchlight. I recognized some of them: Parky, that man from the dog food advert, some boxer bloke, and Count Dracula. I’ll always remember that cover, but even more I’ll always remember the music on the album, which captivated me, even at that age. "Jet"!! I'd sing jumping up and down years before Alan Partridge fell off his bed doing so in a Linton Travel Tavern. There was also that "Bluebird" song… some weird thing about "Mamounia", and a song about Picasso, whoever he was. Years later on listening again, I discovered the delights of the Lennon pastiche "Let Me Roll It" which passed me by as a child, but then and now there was always this one song..

The title track and single "Band On The Run" always takes me back to those days in Fleetwood, and it's been with me ever since, the melancholic "stuck inside these four walls" lyric really hitting home at difficult times. But most of all it's the ambition of McCartney that I love, mastering the art of the three-act song long before Queen thought of "Bohemian Rhapsody". That perfect pop moment? It's the "Live & Let Die"-esque horns and orchestral instrumental bit before the main part of the song.

Of course the making of the album was fraught with problems, but these are well documented elsewhere, so I won't bother. All I say is this is just a master songwriter at the top of his game, and for that we can forgive him all manner of fiascos such as songs about frogs, Chevy Chase film songs or marrying an evil witch.

No YouTube link - you know what McCartney looks and sounds like, for gawd's sake. Whaddya want, spoonfeeding?


Garbage? Where do I start?

Back in 1995 when I first heard about a new band who sounded a bit like the sorely missed Curve, and Nirvana producer Butch Vig’s name was involved, I was interested. I missed out on the limited releases of their first singles “Vow” & “Subhuman”, but I was there for “Only Happy When It Rains” which was purchased promptly on release day, as was the eponymous titled album. Couldn’t give a monkeys about the press of the time saying that they were cold, soulless, unlovable even (blimey, the same press were championing Dodgy and Menswear at this time, so I could take or leave what the likes of the NME said). Garbage pressed the right buttons with me. Great singles, beautifully designed artwork on the sleeves, great live, especially on that first tour of the UK. Cheers, sorted.

Even down the line with the release of the patchy third “Beautiful Garbage” album, they were still interesting, with some great individual singles off that one (“Cherry Lips”, “Androgeny”), before it went a bit Pete Tong with their (possibly) last album. But I’m here to champion a single, and there was a choice of about five. I managed to narrow it down and although I love the Pretenders-stealing “Special”, I have to be bleedin’ obvious and go with...

“Stupid Girl”.
Released 1996
Mushroom Records
Chart Position #4


Surprisingly for such an obviously catchy track it was the fourth single from the debut, but it’s obviously all about timing as it became their biggest hit up to that point. A stomping drum loop (I will hold my hands up and say I didn't recognize the Clash sample) followed by that familiar chiming guitar riff before Shirley Manson’s prowling voice on the verses drags you into a disparaging putdown of some unnamed female’s lifestyle. A gorgeous key change in the bridge leads into the chorus, all punctuated by choppy “Orange Crush”-esque guitar riffs. One of the great dumb-ass bass lines as well. All this packaged in a smart fabric sleeve for extra collectability. Yum. [Must mention the great video as well, allegedly created by putting the finished film footage into the bathtub to create that authentic scratchy shit feel.]

By law, I've got to pick a PSB tune. But which one? It's an almost impossible task to choose one, as there are at least eighteen which you could have from their Premier league table of top tunes. Even their lesser singles are way above the standard of other inferior pop combos. And of course as soon as I pick one, Ciaran from the Forum goes and posts it before I can even string a sentence together. Bah.


So I think I’m safe to pick "So Hard", their first single of the Nineties.

PET SHOP BOYS "So Hard"
Chart Position # 4
Parlophone
Released September 24th 1990

I don’t consider it an obvious choice - if you asked anybody to name five PSB songs in a Family Fortunes type way, I’m sure this wouldn’t be up there on the board. But I love it, it still sound fresh, and for a single from 1990 it hasn’t dated, because it sounded so retro at the time. The move of bringing Harold “Axel F” Faltermeyer in as producer meant that Neil & Chris had access to his wealth of old-skool electronic equipment, which was used superbly on this single, with the thumping pumping analogue keyboard rhythm somewhat reminiscent of the work of Donna Summer & Georgio Moroder (a deliberate ploy on their part as Faltermeyer was Moroder’s engineer), and the orchestral stabs sounding as if they were nicked from a bad Sylvester McCoy Doctor Who episode. It all works superbly.

The lyrics? Ah well, goes without saying, the usual excellence, being a song about cheating (the line about contact magazines marking it out as a gay relationship but it doesn’t have to be), with killer lines such as “I’m always hoping you’ll be faithful, but you’re not I suppose / We’ve both given up smoking, cos it’s fatal, so whose matches are those?” And that last chorus after the instrumental break just gives me the goosebumps.

The track is a bit of an oddity really, as whilst it’s a bit downbeat, it isn’t really truly representative of the album to follow though (“Behaviour”), as there’s really nothing on that which sounds like this. Throw in another excellent Mark Farrow sleeve, the fantastic b-side “It Must Be Obvious”, a just-before-they-were-famous KLF & David Morales on remixing duties for the 12” remixes, a moody Newcastle based video and their legendary Wogan appearance (as spoofed on “The Mary Whitehouse Experience” – “Neillll! I said I was sorry about the toilet”) and you’ve got the perfect pop package.

Did the Pet Shop Boys ever get better than this? I don’t think so. Untouchable.

Here's a TV performance of the song:




10CC. Never fashionable but they made some downright brilliant singles. “I’m Not In Love” has already been covered in the thread way back, so I can’t do that, “Dreadlock Holiday” is a bit obvious due to the Boosh & Soulwax, but there’s plenty of other suspects I can pick on. Such as…

“I’m Mandy Fly Me”
Recorded 1975, Strawberry Studios, Stockport, Cheshire, England
Released Mercury Records 1976
Reached #6 UK Charts

This song is all over the place, in a way that most groups don’t dare attempt these days. Nearest equivalent I can think of would be Radiohead's “Paranoid Android”, in that halfway through it totally changes tempo with a flamenco-stroke-prog rock Mike Oldfield-esque guitar solo, before getting back to the original tune. Strange “eeeeeeuuwwwwwoooooooooooooooo” noises abound, with trademark harmonies and Eric Stewart’s everyman vocal carrying you through the song.

What’s the song about then? Well, it’s inspired by an Airline advertising campaign slogan from the 70s "I'm........Fly Me...." featuring pretty air hostesses. Basically bloke sees poster with Air Hostess Mandy, gets on plane, said plane crashes into tropical sea, bloke almost gets devoured by shark, aforementioned Air Hostess Mandy rescues him, she is then herself (presumably) eaten by the shark, bloke finds himself back in front of poster being wistful. Did she exist? Was it all real or a dream? Ahhhhh.

Sounds better than I described it. Honest.

10CC do often encapsulate all that’s good and bad about mid 70s rock; sometimes too sweet, sometimes too smug and arch, but often brilliant and ambitious. This track walks the tightrope and never falls off once.

Fascinating fact no 345: The intro features one of the bridge sections of the band's 1973 song "Clockwork Creep", whose lyrics which go "Oh, no you'll never get me up in one of these again / 'Cause what goes up must come down", is rendered soft and tinny, as if heard playing from a portable transistor radio. The song is regarded by some fans as a continuation of the story within "Clockwork Creep", whose subject was a bomb hidden on an airliner.

And finally for now... POP WILL EAT ITSELF "Can U Dig It?"
RCA
Chart Position #38
Released 1989

The first "indie" single I bought with money earned from a real job was the Sundays "Can't Be Sure". So that's my Indie cred established. However, I'd love to say I was buying stuff by the more fashionable Stone Roses in 1989, but no. I'd latched on to this band of unfashionable nutters from the Midlands who were on the ascendant along with the likes of the Wonder Stuff and Ned's Atomic Dustbin.

I always loved singles with daft samples on. Still do. So when this arrived I was hooked. Everybody I knew thought they were shit, but I knew better. This is the future, you mark my words. Ahhh. Stupid samples of Baccara, references to Robert Crumb and Alan Moore, vague pre-Berlin wall falling lyrics, and the keyboard riff from "Funky Town". Why? Because you could. It's a record for Comic Store Guy really. It still holds up, as does the accompanying album. It's a great hybrid of hip hop and bad metal. Fantastic record sleeves and t-shirts as well by Sheffield's Designers Republic .

Unfortunately, the legacy of the Poppies appears to be that they made the likes of Carter USM possible. Never mind. Grebo, we love you.

Back in the mists of time...

Ahhh. You can't beat this. Classic pitch invasion at the end too.

This is Super 8 footage of Manchester United celebrating winning the Division 2 title against Blackpool in 1975 and regaining their Division 1 status (been up in the top flight ever since). 26th April 1975 to be exact. 4-0 to us.

It's halfway point

Xmas & New Year have gone. Five months of footy left. Seems a good enough time to look at the state of the Premiership.. and hey, whaddya know? United are still top of the league. And what’s this? Six points ahead of our main rivals, Chelsea? Who’d have thought.

Well, looking at the performances, it’s obvious. The fact that the common bloke in the street would now love us to finish above Chelsea when we were previously the team everybody loved to hate, speaks volumes for the general opinion about Chelsea. Whereas United have been entertaining to watch more or less all season, Chelsea have been a bit laboured and their results at times flatter them. The number of points dropped by them lately is no surprise, lesser teams are sussing them out. Mourinho’s comments to the press that bearing in mind his own team’s form, he’d expect United to be way out in front sound a bit hollow to these ears, and if he wants to get involved in mind games, he’s dealing with a past master with Fergie and will come off second best. Not sure I’m comfortable with the neutral being behind us, as United thrive on the siege mentality but we’re top for now and that’s that.
Now a bit of humble pie. I ranted in the Summer about a certain player called Ronaldo who’d misbehaved a bit in the World Cup. Well, if you call winking at a team mate misbehaving. Yes, I got caught up in the melee going on at the time. Let’s face it, he wasn't much of a villain really and since coming back to United at the start of the season, hasn’t put a foot wrong and is scoring goals for fun. And that’s all that matters to a United fan. Do it on the pitch week in and you can bugger chickens in your spare time or eat babies for all we care. Likewise Rooney – not scoring enough but he’s got a tireless work ethic and it’ll come. It’s not as if he’s not contributing is it? Respect to Scholesy, Giggs, Saha (only now is he injured – well it had to happen), the big man Vidic who’s settled in now, and Ole & Rio. And everybody else. All this and Larsson to come.

Liverpool & Arsenal seemed to have settled down and will probably be in the top 5 come May, but no threat to us. Good to see Bolton & Portsmouth holding their own. I’d say West Ham, Charlton & Watford are doomed though. And quite right. Too many southern jessies in the Prem. Come on Preston! And Wolves of course (9th in the "Championship" and within touching distance of the playoffs).

Is Nostalgia what it used to be?

Christmas & New Year Telly. Usually a pile of old donkey cack garnished with a few gems here and there. Xmas 2006 & the first few days of Jan 2007 has been no exception. There's been a recurring theme running through all the programmes I've watched, and that's nostalgia, in some form or other.

Take "This Life +10" for starters. Ten years (or so) on from when we last left the cast of the edgy Britpop based drama/soap about would be barristers and their sex lives, due to popular demand (let's face it, you wanted to know what happened after the wedding fight...) we 've got a feature length special returning to those characters ten years on. Gathering together the main characters again using the old "meet up for a funeral" plot device, we find that each of them has been on their own personal journey and whilst their circumstances may have changed, their personal lives are as fucked up as ever.

Egg's now a writer and has written a best selling novel based on the life of himself and his friends back in the mid 90s when the original series was set. He's "not" married with child to miserable Milly who's given law up to be a "supermum" but there's problems between them. Unconvincingly, Egg's having a documentary made about him by a young girly called Claire who he's eyeing up, and a reunion with our heroes at Miles's plush country home is ideal plot contrivance to get them all together for much bickering, casual swearing and Portishead (but played on an iPod - do you see what they've done there?)

Oh yes, arsepain Miles has escaped from the Carribean and Mastercard ad-voiceovers, has "made it" in the business world (or has he? ahhhhhh) and has come back from Hong Kong with a new glamorous trophy wife and is living in the aforementioned country pile. With a horse. And a personal trainer. And bad hair. Gay Warren's back, not mourning Ferdy's demise honest, and is a life coach but secretly dependent on prescription drugs. And then there's uberbitch Anna, who's frankly aged badly, so not still in love with anybody especially not Miles, and made it in the world of law but has "sacrificed" the chance for a baby to do so, therefore she now wants to find a sperm donor and so fill that empty void. But who could she ask? Ahhhhh.

All very very contrived but for 50 or so minutes it held up, with a few choice lines here and there (Miles's "Am I supposed to be shagging as much as he thinks I am?" line being good) and some brief musings on politics, getting older and the youth of today, but then the arse fell out of the "plot".

Warren tries to top himself, oh no he hasn't, oh he just wants to be loved, oh he'll be Anna's sperm donor, throw those drugs down the toilet you don't need them, hurrah. Miles wanted to travel the world when younger but didn't, oh his business is actually going tits up, he's not rich but poor, the bailliffs are coming round, his wife's left him, he loves Anna but she doesn't really love him, fuck it he's going backpacking... despite having no cash. Egg's not going to write another book, that'll save his marriage and Milly won't go mad and fall off any more horses. And the Claire girl who's making the documentary - hey, she's bad cos she's in the Media, videoing their arguments and generally doing she was asked to do i.e make a documentary about these self-important up their arse middle class tossers having rows, so Egg destroys her tapes - by throwing them in a lake. And then falls in the lake. And then drags Milly into the lake. Ha ha ha ha ha. And everybody lives happily etc. Yeah right.

The last half hour or so turned into a Richard Curtis-esque "Peter's Friends" type smugfest, where you were willing for some sort of gas explosion to occur in the house and wipe the cast out. Or at least maim them. Now that would have been unexpected. I won't even mention some of the dialogue disasters, toe-curling lines such as "motherhood is the best kept secret of our generation". Pardon my French, but fuck right off.

"This Life" the original series was not big, not clever but enjoyable drama... of it's time. The creator, Amy Jenkins to my knowledge hasn't written any other TV drama since, and "This Life +10" shows why (and let's face it, she only wrote a fraction of the original series, and all the best stuff such as the second series was from other writers - fact). One trick pony, and this pony is lame.

So we wanted to know what happened next, and it was shit. Serves us right. But sometimes those clever TV types can pull this trick and it works. Whilst the Christmas day "Doctor Who: The Runaway Bride" was watchable but a bit hollow (good car/Tardis chase, Tate bareable, average baddie), the spin off kids TV show "The Sarah Jane Adventures" ticked all the right boxes. We were reintroduced to Liz Sladen's Sarah in last year's "School Reunion" episode of "Who" which was excellent, and the Beeb obviously saw potential in reusing the character in her own series, but for CBBC this time. And the pilot for "TSJA" was great kids TV, treating the character sympathetically and faithfully but moving her on to take on a Doctoresque role, with non too annoying teenage kids in tow replacing her in the companion role. Witty lines, fun villains and bright and breezy direction, this is RTD returning triumphantly to his original home of kids telly.

As previously implied in this blog, Sarah Jane Smith was my companion - I was 4 years of age when she came onto the programme and for me, it's all about the Doctor & Sarah - everything else is a distant second. She & Tom were there in my formative years, so I was probably gonna enjoy this, but I actually found I enjoyed it more than some episodes of proper "Who" from last year, despite it being a "kids" show. So roll on the series proper. And it was better than at least 10 episodes of the so called gritty adult "Torchwood".

Talking of which, the last few seconds of the final episode when the sound of the Tardis appears from nowhere and then Captain Jack is whisked away off screen (presumably by the Doctor) leaving his colleagues mystified to his whereabouts. If I was him I'd be in a rush to get out of there as well. That scene alone made up for 13 weeks of Scooby Doo nonsense with those unlikeble Welsh knobs, and made me feel about 8 years old again.

Which leads me cleverly on to something else that made me feel 8 years old again... BBC2's "It Started With Swap Shop"... you see I don't just churn this out. It's all properly thought out and all that. I'm dead good me. Just how good was this show? Two hours plus of pure Noel action. Bliss. Celia & I were dressed appropriately for the occasion, in jim-jams (her sat on the floor for full effect) and for those couple of hours it was like seeing your childhood flash before your eyes. Especially as Noel seemed to be in his element behind that desk, it was almost as if it was a cold Saturday morning back in 1978.

All bases were covered, with John Craven, Maggie & Keith, the swaporama, celebrity guest swaps, crappy Saturday Superstone, swearing at Five Star, Phil & Sarah on "Going Live", "we don't do Duvets", Posh Paws, Delia Smith, Tony Hart, Johnny Ball... ahhh. Of course, these days, nobody bothers with kids TV on a Saturday morning, shunted as it is to BBC2. Which is a shame as Noel seemed to be really proud of what he started, and there did seem to be a sense that the makers of the show really cared about "Swap Shop" and the whole ethos of Saturday Morning kids TV. They went all out to make this tribute as good as it could possibly be.

Which was very very good. You can't ask for more.

All That You CAN Leave Behind

Ever got annoyed with your favourite artist when they decide that your favourite songs are crap and should be hidden away in a cupboard like some ugly boot faced cat? “What are you on about?” I hear you cry. Well, take Eric Clapton. “We don’t want him”. Don’t be cheeky. Mid 80s, has a career resurrection with “Behind The Mask”, but these days, won’t play that as it’s too poppy and doesn’t fit in with his new serious chinstroking “blues” direction. Still plays “Layla” though. (Also until recently, see Radiohead & “Creep”). History rewritten.

Well as Xmas is almost here it’s time for groups to cash in with Greatest Hits collections. "What's this got to do with the last paragraph?" you say. Well, read on. There's compilations aplenty from 10CC, The Charlatans, George Michael, Girls Aloud, Sugababes, etc. So let’s focus on two bands at random. Say... Oasis and... U2. “Hang on, they’re not releasing “Greatest Hits” say their PR men, “they’re releasing “Best Of” collections. That's different.” You say tomato etc. It’s still a Xmas kerching moment. And these two bands are especially guilty of trying to rewrite their history with their latest compilations.

We’ll start with Oasis. “Stop The Clocks” is their new compilation spanning 1994 to 2005. No new tracks, and not exactly the hits, but a 2 CD's of album tracks, singles, and b-sides. Chosen by Noel Gallagher apparently. Fair enough you’d think, but Gallagher Senior's selection process is very selective, and ultimately it doesn’t really cast the current band output in that good a light. It focuses heavily on the first two (and best) albums "Definitely_Maybe" and "(What's the Story) Morning Glory?", with each contributing five tracks, including four B-sides from this era. 2 tracks appear from their last album, "Don't Believe the Truth", which is about right, and one track each from "Standing on the Shoulder of Giants" and "Heathen Chemistry", whilst 1997’s "Be Here Now" is overlooked completely.

This means there’s no “Whatever” (mainly cos Noel would have to pay Neil Innes for the tune he nicked), no Blur baiting “Roll With It”, nothing from the cocaine plagued but strangely ageing well “Be Here Now” such as “D’ya know what I mean” or “Stand By Me”, and an insinuation that the following two albums were crap (which is not strictly true - “The Hindu Times” and “Stop Crying Your Heart Out” were v.good amongst others). Also no “Shakermaker”. Hurrah!. However, “Stop The Clocks” reinforces the misconception that Oasis burnt out in 1996 after Knebworth and splutter on studiowise with the odd good single every two years, and like the Rolling Stones before them, are only really releasing new stuff so they can tour.

Then there’s U2. They’re worse.


“U218 Singles” is what it says on the cover. Compiled by someone (no-one's owning up to this so it must be a commitee) It’s apparently an overview of their whole career with their most successful singles. Ah, but no. For a start, there’s nothing from 1980 to 1982 (unless you buy the album in the UK when you get “I Will Follow” as a bonus track making err… 19 singles. Right.) “Sunday Bloody Sunday” is on it but this wasn’t even a single in the UK or Eire.

There’s three singles from “Joshua Tree”, which is fair as it is their best known album, but four from “All You Can’t Leave Behind” & two from last years “Atomic Bomb” CD? That's a bit heavily loaded - 6 out of 18. And as for the 90s? “One & “Mysterious Ways” from “Achtung Baby”. That’s it. The 90s never happened then. Must have been some other U2 I saw twice in Leeds then. Oh and don't forget the obligatory two new crap tracks.

There’s no “The Fly”…a number one single no less. But we get “Sweetest Thing” cos that’s nice and yer mum likes it . No “Hold Me Thrill Me..”. No “Discotheque” (another number one), in fact nothing from “Pop”. No “Stay (Faraway So Close)”, a superb song from “Zooropa” which would fit in nicely, and a Top 5 hit. And “Elevation” is the album version. What’s the point in calling it “Singles” if you use the wrong version?

It’s a CD specifically designed for the punter who buys four CDs a year and then only from Tesco, along with the shopping and copies of "Top Gear" magazine and a "Heat" for the wife. The type of U2 fan who thought they went right weird after “Rattle & Hum” and only got good again with “Beautiful Day”. Anything remotely challenging or experimental is not on this CD. “Zooropa”? Get stuffed.

It’s odd that both groups have sort of airbrushed 1997’s output from their latest official history, as if they think they went off the plot around that point and now they’re back doing what they do best. Which is a shame really, as the last U2 album is a bit dull and basic really, but I suppose we’ve had the experimental years from them and having had their fingers burnt with “pop” they’ve retreated into their default safe mode. And although Oasis “Be Here Now” was praised at the time due to the Britpop explosion, and then slated retospectively by critics, public and Noel alike, nearly ten years on, it’s starting to sound actually quite okay. Certainlty nothing to be ashamed of. Certainly better than "Standing On The Shoulder Of Giants".

I suppose the bottom line is that these CDs are not aimed at fans but the casual buyer, but it’s a shame that purchaser will not get the full story, just the sanitised safe version.

End of rant.

Who and I

Once upon a time, not so long ago, if I typed here that I was a Doctor Who fan, you’d have mocked me and generally took the piss. There may well have been good grounds for this, as prior to 2005, the show was much derided, and an easy target for jokes about wobbly sets, dodgy aliens, bad acting & special effects that were anything but.

Ah but not now. Since 2005, it’s become okay to openly say “I like Doctor Who”, without people pointing at you, laughing and making you move out of the borough. Now it’s sexy. It’s fashionable. It’s hip. It’s got all the best acting talent in the UK clamouring to get onto it. It’s the biggest drama hit the BBC has had in years. It’s also the same show that was mocked years before, the same show that the BBC ran down until it became a sad parody of it’s former self, the same programme that had some of the worst miscasting ever in it’s later years. It’s the show I loved… and still love.

I grew up with Tom Baker you see. Not literally, as that would make me ancient, but with him as my Doctor. You had to have your own Doctor, in the same way you’ve got to have your James Bond or your Blue Peter presenter (Connery & Noakes, if you’re interested). Okay, Pertwee was technically my first Doctor but Tom was the man I consciously (well as much as you can at age 5) tuned in each week for.

From 1974 to 1981, as I went from infants up through juniors up to senior school, Baker travelled with me every Saturday for 26 weeks a year. People forget that the show was popular back then. It wasn’t cult TV. Families watched the show in their millions as it formed that rock upon which the BBC Saturday night TV line up was built. Football results. Basil Brush. Doctor Who. Brucie. Some drama or other. Two Ronnies. Starsky & Hutch. Match Of The Day. Parky. Bed.

Yes it could be a bit ropey but it wasn’t about the production values. It was about the story and the characters, and you believed in Baker’s Doctor, so much so you mostly overlooked the programme’s flaws as you were gripped so much by his performance.

Blackpool is almost a second home for Who, as the Exhibition was based here for so many years until it’s demise in 1985. And my parents took me to see it, as well as going one September night to see Tom, Elisabeth Sladen (ah! Sarah Jane!) and Ian Marter switch on the Illuminations in 1975, fighting off Cybermen & Daleks in their quest to pull the lever that turned on the lights. My darling Celia even met the man himself once when she was little, as he lost his way to the exhibition and asked her mum for directions. Well I say met. Hiding behind your mum’s legs counts doesn’t it?

I grew up. Honest. Peter Davison was the man who was the Doctor in my senior school years, and as I grew older, I began to take more interest in the show, it’s history, how it was made etc. Also as you get older you become more critical of the show, less blind to it’s faults. I still loved the show, and Davison is only second to Baker in my Top 10, but even at that age I could see that the show was becoming a bit insular, whereas it was previously aimed at the family audience, now the producer was progressively aiming the show at.. the Doctor Who fan. When you start playing to the gallery, you’re going to alienate the average viewer. The kids went elsewhere for their kicks.

So the show went on through the 80s, audiences dwindling as Doctors came & went, the BBC becoming less interested in making the show but loving the cash they made from selling it and the merchandise round the world, progressively killing the show but scheduling it against shows on the other channel that it could never beat it it’s current state (Daleks vs Ken & Deirdre? No contest). The Colin Baker era I could just about handle, mainly down to lusting after Nicola Bryant (hey! I was in my teens) but when Sylvester McCoy & Bonnie Langford arrived, even I couldn’t really justify watching the programme. Much.

When the show ended in 1989, there were no tears. The last series had it’s moments but too little too late. There were rumours it would be back in a couple of years, but I wasn’t the naive kid any more, I knew how the industry worked and it was obvious it was over as an ongoing TV show. There were always the videos to look back over, but looking back was all we’d have.

However, spin forward and 1996 saw the American & BBC co-funded revival of Who, starring Paul McGann, who was great even if he is a scouser. It was all very glossy and looked great if again, a bit continuity obsessed, and ratings were good in the UK. Alas, in the US it died on it’s arse and that was the end of the 8^th doctor’s ninety minute era.

I never went the full hog and became part of organised fandom. There always seemed to me to be something fundamentally.. wrong about the whole thing, you know, conventions and all that. Of course the way the show had been going in the latter part of the 80s, it was something you had to keep to yourself as it was frankly shocking, so I was quite happy not to seek out likeminded people. It was only during the dark years of the 90s that I became aware of fandom, and became sort of one of them, looking in from the outside, buying books, videos and fanzines. Fandom kept the Who brand alive in those years, with fanzine writers becoming Virgin novelists or writing for the ever popular Doctor Who magazine (27 years old this month kids!).

It was these fans that eventually worked their way up into positions of power and influence in the industry. A certain Mr Russell T Davies, who wrote a Who novel in the 90s worked many references to the show into his 1999 Channel 4 hit “Queer As Folk”. Another fan novelist, Mark Gatiss (of the League Of Gentlemen) played the Doctor in a spoof sketch also starring David Walliams who with Matt Lucas would go on to use Tom Baker’s voiceovers in Little Britain. (Why? Because he was Doctor Who of course). Steven Moffat wrote several Who short stories and shoed in many a Who joke into his Coupling series, as well as a Comic Relief sketch with the likes of Hugh Grant & Rowan Atkinson. There are many other examples… Lee & Herring, Simon Pegg and so on.

Davies was asked by the BBC what he’d like to do next. He said “Doctor Who”. They said.“okay”. And that was it. Easy as that. You’ve got one of the hottest writers in Television given carte blanche to make a new series of his favourite show as a kid. Jammy bastard.

It could have all gone wrong. He could have miscast the Doctor completely and the show would be on it’s arse again. But he asked one of the pickiest actors in the business if he’d be interested in playing the lead role in a million pound reworking of one of the oldest series on TV. Lucky he’d worked with him before or else he’d have had the door slammed in his face. Christopher Eccleston said yes. He’d never seen the show really before but would give it a go because of Russell. But who to have as a companion? Howzabout an ex-teen pop star and wannabe actress who’s always looking pissed in the tabloids with her DJ husband?

The rest seems to be history. Billie Piper has more than proved herself to be a great actress as well as a cute eye candy for Dads everywhere, Eccleston shone (all too briefly IMHO) in a role that he grabbed and made his own, the show looks great, it’s restablished itself as unmissible on Saturday nights, millions watch it, ladies love their sexy new Doctors (who'd have thought that 20 years ago?), kids love it, the toyshops are full of Daleks & Cybermen, and new Doctor David Tennant has reignited the debate we used to have back in the day… “well, I prefer Eccleston, he’s my doctor. This new one’s not as good, he's just silly and gurns too much”.

I love Doctor Who, old and new. Everything about it. The whole thing. Sarah Jane Smith. Zygons. K-9. The Brigadier. Torchwood. Even the rubbish bits, like Kamelion or Peter Kay. Even that episode with the girl with the drawings that come to life. Even Ace.

Well, maybe not Ace. Now she was embarrassing.

More Happy Monday than Blue Monday

New Order? In Blackpool? Virtually on my doorstep? It’s a no-brainer. I’m there. Especially as it’s an early birthday present from the missus. It had to be done, as it was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity, bearing in mind the last time New Order visited the town was 24 years ago when I was still at school (30th August 1982 at somewhere called “The Venue”, trainspotters). That night, the setlist looked liked this:

Procession, Ceremony, 586, Truth, We All Stand, Hurt, Everything's Gone Green, Age Of Consent, Ultraviolence. Only one of these songs made it to the setlist in 2006…

Strange tour really this. There’s no new product to promote, but it’s being promoted as the “Singles Collection Tour”, yet they’re not playing many of the singles, and they’re performing at least half of the tracks from their 2005 album, which they didn’t bother to promote with a tour at the time. Very New Order.

Due to not leaving the house until after eight, and pre-gig drinkies in Gillespies, we missed the support Section 25, old mates of the band from the Factory days, but as they’ve been playing the Fylde recently no doubt the chance to see them will occur again at some point. It was a surprise to see the Ballroom rammed full – it wasn’t this busy for Radiohead earlier in the year. So at 9.05, New Order came on stage and slammed straight into new fave "Crystal", followed by crowd pleasers “Regret” & “Ceremony”, with singalongs a plenty. The legendary Empress acoustics didn’t do the band any favours really, making much of Barney’s between song banter inaudible, though he did apologise for his voice as he had tonsillitis – sounded okay to me.

The set was a good mixture of tracks from “Waiting For The Sirens’ Call”, NO regulars like “Bizarre Love Triangle” and Joy Division songs such as the rarely played “24 Hours” and “These Days”. Not much different from what they’ve been playing for the last few years, but a fine selection all the same. The set got into top gear with a tremendous version of “Temptation” which saw Celia & I grooving away like it was our own personal indie-disco. “The Perfect Kiss” has been a much-missed song from their setlists over the last few years, and it was good to see that they’d re-introduced it, complete with a perfect segue into the inevitable “Blue Monday”, complete with Barney‘s bad dancing.

Due to the call of nature and a trip to the bar, I missed the first song of the encore “Turn”, (which is no bad thing) but made it back for the JD classics “Shadowplay” and their increasingly pubrockish version of “Love Will Tear Us Apart” (“Come on!!”).

And that was it. They were gone. Probably as good as they’ve ever been, over those 90 minutes New Order proved that they still had what it takes to make Blackpool rock.

Setlist: Crystal, Regret, Who's Joe, Ceremony, Waiting For The Sirens' Call, These Days, Twenty Four Hours, Krafty, Your Silent Face, Guilt Is A Useless Emotion, Bizarre Love Triangle, Temptation, The Perfect Kiss, Blue Monday, Turn, Shadowplay, Love Will Tear Us Apart

True Faith

Out of the myriad of bands that I’ve followed, New Order are probably my favourite. It’s been a love affair with them since 1983, when I first heard “Confusion” on the Top 40 rundown. I thought it sounded a bit like Freeze’s “IOU” (not surprising as they were both produced by Arthur Baker), but it sounded great. I didn’t really know then that New Order were formed from the ashes of Joy Division, though I had heard “Love Will Tear Us Apart” previously and knew that Tony Wilson bloke off Granada’s “What’s On” had something to do with them and it. When “Blue Monday” went back into the charts for the second time that year, I was knocked out. This was a weird and wonderful record.

Our paths crossed for the next three years, as I caught the odd single release here and there on evening Radio 1, read about them in Smash Hits and saw their appalling TOTP performances, but like many, it wasn’t until “Substance” and the seminal “True Faith” that you could say I became a fan. After that I became more and more obsessed about the band, and as I started work and came into money around the “Technique” era so was able to snap up their releases ASAP as opposed to playing catch up around second hand shops. I loved the fact that each release seemed like something to cherish, lovingly packaged in a sleeve with the superb design work of Peter Saville.

Of course, as with most bands, the releases started coming out less frequently, and frustratingly only 1990’s “World In Motion” England song would fill the gap for the next three years. There were spin off projects to buy (Sumner & ex-Smith Johnny Marr’s excellent Electronic, Steve & Gillian’s so-so Other Two and Hooky’s downright piss-poor Revenge) as each member wanted to do their own thing. But the burning question was: would the four of them ever make a record again as New Order? Would I ever get to see them live? And would things be the same since Factory had gone kaput?

No need to worry. 1993 saw the release of their first single on major label London Records, the classic single “Regret” and the accompanying album “Republic”, a much more commercial product than anything that had ever gone before, but it was still recognizably New Order. What was even better, there would be a chance of seeing them live at last, albeit at a festival. So it was on August Bank Holiday I made the trek down south to Reading to see their only UK live appearance that year, and wasn’t disappointed, with a superb set of classics, current faves and shit dancing from Mr Sumner. Some said that they were always awful live, but if this had been the case previously, it was no longer true – on that August Sunday night, they were blinding.

I wasn’t to know then it would be five long years before our paths crossed again. Increasingly fractious relationships during the long US leg of the tour and the fall out from the Factory Records debacle had taken their toll, and although they hadn’t officially split, it became apparent that there would be no further New Order releases for the foreseeable future.

So at least I’d seen their last ever gig. I still bought the offshoot bands’ releases, but like methadone to a heroin addict, it’s not the same. I saw Peter Hook’s band Monaco a few times, which was probably the nearest thing I was going to get to New Order. Good, but it’s not the real thing (although their gig at Manchester University in 1997 when Tim Burgess of The Charlatans got on stage to sing NO’s “Lonesome Tonight” is a moment to cherish). Of course there were loads of New Order re-releases and remixes as the record label were determined to cash in on the band whilst they could (“Blue Monday 1995” anybody?), but it didn’t make up for the band not being around.

Surprisingly in 1998, out of the blue the Manchester Evening News announced there was going to be a gig at the Manchester Apollo, as a warm up to an appearance at the Reading festival. The band? New Order. There was no way I was going to miss this. Seemingly the band had decided that there was no good reason not to get back together, and would give a reunion a try. And the gig was a classic, with the band seemingly revitalised, Hooky & Barney getting on, and a few Joy Division classics thrown in. They were back. It wasn’t a one off, as I saw them again at Xmas, with a promise of more to come.

Spin on to 2001 and the first new album in 8 years, “Get Ready” which was a move away from the polished pop dance stuff they’d been increasingly known for since “Technique”, and to a more raw guitar based sound, heard to best effect on the opening single “Crystal”. And as 21 years had passed since Ian Curtis’s demise, they’d become more comfortable with Joy Division’s legacy. So increasingly JD songs littered their sets, to the point where many a fan has been known to complain that they were doing too many JD songs. Fair comment. On the three occasions I’ve seen them since 2001 only about 3/4 of the set is NO material. But look at it from their point of view: they’d written the bleedin’ songs, why couldn’t they play them again? (Even if they do murder “Love Will Tear Us Apart” every time).

They’ve recently started to receive more and more “lifetime achievement” awards. It’s always a worry when this starts to happen, as it seems that the hunger seems to go, especially when the ”establishment” accepts you. The band I fell in love with were always the outsiders, doing things their way. But, I suppose not playing the game doesn’t feed the kids, and it’s probably time they got their due credit from the industry, as well as getting paid at last. After twenty odd years, letting “Blue Monday” be used in adverts for Mars bars is fair enough especially bearing in mind they never made any money on that record in the first place, due to Factory’s shady business practice.

Maybe their most recent output isn’t as good as the old stuff. Maybe the gigs aren’t as special as they once were. Maybe Gillian’s absence is a bad thing, and it’s become a bit Dad-rock. Maybe they’re getting old and fat. All I know is that it’s great to have New Order still around, and having once thought I’d lost them for good, I’m going to make sure that every time there’s a tour I’m going to be there.

Which brings me to tonight… New Order @ Blackpool Empress Ballroom.

Review to follow.

Essential purchases: “Singles” (2005) / “Brotherhood” (1986) / “Technique” (1989) / “Get Ready” (2001)

"My Day Out In The Big Car" by Richard Hammond

I went to yorkshur to drive the big car that goez fast coz Jeremy and the other wun alwez make fun ov me and sed I was rubbish driver so I wantid to sho vem so I got in the big car and went ded fast and made them boff look crap but car went wonky and crashed and I went in ambullanse to hostipal coz I had bad hed but better now and warking bout a bit and got lotz of flowerz and will bee bak on telly soon I hop with top geer dogg.

Jeremy and other wun still say I am a rubbish driver. Vey smell ov poo.

Richard (age fivv and a harf)