I've previously wittered on about the old compilation albums of the 70's, well now it's my look at the albums that became an essential part of life since for any young person for the last 24 years.
As is well documented, in 1983 the major labels (in this case EMI & Virgin) thought well, why the hell should we let the likes of Ronco and K-Tel cream all of the money from compilation albums? Rather than licence the tracks to them we'll release our own and make even more cash. And so the "Now That's What I Call Music" albums were born.
The first one came handily out in time for Christmas 1983, and contained the cream of the years hits with 11 number ones in all. Tadaaaaah, instant record collection for the impoverished teenager.
So in the first of an occasional series let's look back at the contents of the Now series should we, and see if they're still fabtastiscmongous... (pulls out record from paper sleeve...) Side 1 Track 1...
Phil Collins : "You Can't Hurry Love"
Back to the days when he was massive. Phil shot to number one with this faithful cover of the Supreme's sixties hit. Even the most staunch hater of his work couldn't not like this (the video however is hateful). A staple of weddings ever since.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Duran Duran : "Is There Something I Should Know"
The Duranies first number one single and a period of two years global domination starts here. The line "You're about as easy as a nuclear war" earned derision back then, and now with the benefit of hindsight, it's like the works of Keats compared to the likes of Pete Doherty nowadays. You don't know when you're well off.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 10/10
UB40: "Red Red Wine"
Believe it or not kids, UB40 were once massive, and still are in some unenlightened parts of the world. The first of two efforts on this album (see, that's how big they were. Two!) sees them tackle Neil Diamond's song in a lover's reggae style, something they'd keep coming back to over the next 20 years to diminishing returns.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Limahl : "Only For Love"
AKA Chris Hamill, from Wigan, who dumped the rest of his pop superstar Number one group Kajagoogoo (see later) to go for solo greatness, cos he was the bestest out of that group and all the fans want to see him and not them, cos they're rubbish and anyway he was destined for better fings like this record, right?
This single reached number 16. In fairness, Limahl did go on to have a massive hit with "Never Ending Story" and continues to do well on the nostalgia circuit complete with mullet wig. He's also gay, dontcha know. Who'd have guessed.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 1/10
Heaven 17 : "Temptation"
The fall out from Ian Craig Marsh & Martyn Ware leaving The Human League and Phil Oakey keeping the name was that the two of them got 1% of the earnings from ver League's next album. Fortunately for them the next album was "Dare" the multi platinum selling breakthrough. They put the money to good use and created, with singer Glenn Gregory, the group Heaven 17. This was their biggest hit, though whether it would have been as big without the massive vocals of Carol Kenyon is another question.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 9/10
KC and the Sunshine Band : "Give It Up"
Another number one, amazingly enough, but the last hit for Harry and the boys. Immortalised in the 90's by the Old Trafford faithful's song "Na na na na na na na na na na naah, Nicky Nicky Butt, Nicky Butt, Nicky Nicky Butt!".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Malcolm McLaren : "Double Dutch"
Skip they do's the Double Dutch, that's them dancing.." McLaren's inspired melding of hip hop, African rhythms and skipping made this a playground hit everywhere. "Hey Ebon, Ebonettes!!"
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Bonnie Tyler : "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
Welsh warbler returns from misadventures across the channel and creates Meat Loaf-esque epic about living in powder kegs, giving off sparks. Health & safety risk if you ask me. The sound of the record was unsurprising, given that Meat Loaf's producer Jim Steinman had a hand in this. Typical Russell "Highlander" Mulcahy nonsense video as well (Dancers, moody angles, crap wire-work). A number one lest we forget.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Culture Club : "Karma Chameleon"
Nearly 25 years on we find out this is a song about Boy George's then lover, group drummer Jon Moss and not a song about hippy reptiles after all. Urgh. Apparently loving would be easy if your colours were like his dreams: red gold and green. Whatever that means.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Men Without Hats : "Safety Dance"
You can dance if you want to. Somehow you just knew that they just had to be Canadian, and a trip to Wikipedia confirms it. One hit wonders in the UK and that's probably a good thing.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 5/10
Kajagoogoo : "Too Shy"
Ah, Chris Hamill again. Produced by Duran Duran's Nick Rhodes, thus bringing in the Duranie's vote, this was their only number one hit. Alas one album later Limahl & Kajagoogoo (more later... really) went their separate ways. Limahl went on to flat share with Paul "Gambo" Gambaccinni, who probably reminded him of all his chart positions every day. They weren't lovers though, no.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Mike Oldfield : "Moonlight Shadow"
A rare chart appearance by grumpy millionaire Mike, with a song featuring great vocals by Maggie Reilly, all about John Lennon's death. Or not. Depends on how he's feeling, the miserable bugger, judging from interviews I've read. All that money from "Tubular Bells" and he's still a moany old c*nt.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Men at Work : "Down Under"
Another number one, this time from this Antipodean crew, whose best work is forgotten in favour of this harmless novelty hit. Such is life. Introduced us to the delights of the drink Zombie, the Vegimite sandwich and the term "chunder".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Rock Steady Crew : "(Hey You) The Rock Steady Crew"
1983 was the year Breakdancing and body-popping crossed over onto the mainstream. helped by the likes of Malcolm McLaren (see earlier) and this bunch of one hit wonders, who had been around since 1979 as a breakdancing crew in New York. Naff then, naff now.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Rod Stewart : "Baby Jane"
Professional Denis Law look-a-likey and pretend Scotsman Rod Stewart was back with a vengeance this year with more AOR rock tunes, of which this was the biggest, hitting the top spot. And strangely for Rod, not a cover. He still had the horrendous spandex trousers though. All togevver naahhh.... "Baaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyybee Jane..."
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Paul Young : "Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)"
After plying his trade in various pub rock bands over the years, Mr Young finally hits the big-time proper with this number one Marvin Gaye cover, and goes multi-platinum with the accompanying "No Parlez" album, which unfortunately contains the worst cover of Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart" you'll ever hear. well, apart from New Order's live version that is. Anyway, I always preferred "Love Of The Common People".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
New Edition : "Candy Girl"
Whitney battering Bobby Brown in younger-ballsnotyetdropped-mode. Tapping into that Jackson 5 vibe, New Edition were massive in the US and made the crossover the water to reach number one here in the UK. Though listen to the song now and it's like nails on blackboard. Anyway, we had Musical Youth, the voice of a young black Britain, so off with you Johnny Foreigner. There's nothing for you here. Tried to have a comeback in the mid nineties, but by crikey we weren't having it again.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 3/10
Kajagoogoo : "Big Apple"
No Limahl this time. The first Chris Hamill-less release saw bassist Nick Beggs step up to the mike to deliver this oh so eighties big production number, all about large fruit. Or New York. Alas, although reaching number 8 it started to go tits up and the Kajagoogoo boys shortened their monicker to just "Kaja" to little effect before calling it a day.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Tina Turner : "Let's Stay Together"
TT was about as popular as fart in a crowded lift before the Heaven 17 guys resurrected her career with this cover of the old Al Green soul classic. The rest is history, every steamy windowed-private dancing-goldeneyed-simply the best bit of it.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Human League : "(Keep Feeling) Fascination"
Only their second single since 1981's massive "Don't You Want Me", this unnecessarily bracketed titled tune had many a youngster wondering whether their record deck had gone wonky or they'd been sold faulty goods down at Woolies. Phil shares vocal duties this time with the rest of the band. so as to share the blame collectively. Despite being an out of tune mess this reached number 2, but it was all down hill from here for ver League, but I still love 'em.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Howard Jones : "New Song"
A new genre is invented by Mr Jones called "Veggie daft haired synth pop", but this sadly fails to catch on (unless you count Nik Kershaw who's own work often got mixed up with Howard's output by dim people). "Throw off those mental chains" implored Howard on Top Of The Pops, whilst a bald bloke called Jed danced behind him miming the words. A proto-Bez you might say. Plinkety plonk electro-pop that hasn't dated well, though I loved it at the time.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
UB40 : "Please Don't Make Me Cry"
Good grief, the Brummies are back again with a second top 10 hit. Two UB40 records on one Now album was something that wouldn't happen again, you'd be pleased to know. Shite.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 2/10
Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack : "Tonight I Celebrate My Love"
There's always one track on a "Now" album that got skipped, and here it is. Push that needle across the record.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 0/10
Tracey Ullman : "They Don't Know"
"Three Of A Kind" comedienne Tracey continued her semi-humerous pop career with this top 3 brilliantly faithful cover of a Kirsty MacColl flop. Ullman then buggers off to America to be unfunny, richer and "invents" The Simpsons. Ex co-star Lenny Henry is now also unfunny and fat, and David Copperfield (not that one) has never been heard of since.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Will Powers : "Kissing With Confidence"
Carly Simon sings the good bit on this you know. That is all.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Which coincidentally leads me to...
Genesis : "That's All"
What? No "Mama"? The line between Collins's solo career and that of Genesis became fuzzy with this jaunty Chas & Dave-esque knees up. Tony Banks attempts to go for a keyboard solo ala the old prog days but Phil's having none of it and reins him back in promptly.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
The Cure : "Love Cats"
The obligatory left field track falls to Robert Smith in eccentric pop mode. The Cure from 1982 to 1992 actually released about a dozen brilliant pop tunes but they're still seen as gloomy goths by the plebs. Ah well, their loss.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Simple Minds : "Waterfront"
All previous esoteric and arty European ideas are tossed overboard as Jim Kerr enters arena rock mode with this classic. At this point they were neck and neck with U2 in the "who's the bigger rock group" contest. Unfortunately pies & pomp got the better of Kerr and when he forgot a) how to laugh at himself and b) to move on musically there was only to be one winner. Thus Bono & co play sell out stadiums, and ver Minds play halls and are "big in Europe".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Madness : "The Sun and the Rain"
Ever reliable Madness returned with another jaunty Top Ten hit, though they were getting noticeably more miserable and melancholic with every release by this stage. Still good though. However 24 years on, Suggs is on the telly advertising Birds Eye meals. Ho hum.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Culture Club "Victims"
This calculated gamble for number one Christmas single was funnily enough derailed by the Flying Pickets' acapella nightmare "Only You". Ha. Good. As for "Victims", I don't know if this is about shagging the drummer or not like "Karma Chameleon". Probably all their songs were. Except "War is Stupid". Which was about war. And how it's stupid. And people are stupid. And love means nothing in some strange quarters.
Actually, Culture Club were shit really weren't they?
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 0/10
Which gives us a grand total of 172 points out of 300. Could do better...
As is well documented, in 1983 the major labels (in this case EMI & Virgin) thought well, why the hell should we let the likes of Ronco and K-Tel cream all of the money from compilation albums? Rather than licence the tracks to them we'll release our own and make even more cash. And so the "Now That's What I Call Music" albums were born.
The first one came handily out in time for Christmas 1983, and contained the cream of the years hits with 11 number ones in all. Tadaaaaah, instant record collection for the impoverished teenager.
So in the first of an occasional series let's look back at the contents of the Now series should we, and see if they're still fabtastiscmongous... (pulls out record from paper sleeve...) Side 1 Track 1...
Phil Collins : "You Can't Hurry Love"
Back to the days when he was massive. Phil shot to number one with this faithful cover of the Supreme's sixties hit. Even the most staunch hater of his work couldn't not like this (the video however is hateful). A staple of weddings ever since.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Duran Duran : "Is There Something I Should Know"
The Duranies first number one single and a period of two years global domination starts here. The line "You're about as easy as a nuclear war" earned derision back then, and now with the benefit of hindsight, it's like the works of Keats compared to the likes of Pete Doherty nowadays. You don't know when you're well off.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 10/10
UB40: "Red Red Wine"
Believe it or not kids, UB40 were once massive, and still are in some unenlightened parts of the world. The first of two efforts on this album (see, that's how big they were. Two!) sees them tackle Neil Diamond's song in a lover's reggae style, something they'd keep coming back to over the next 20 years to diminishing returns.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Limahl : "Only For Love"
AKA Chris Hamill, from Wigan, who dumped the rest of his pop superstar Number one group Kajagoogoo (see later) to go for solo greatness, cos he was the bestest out of that group and all the fans want to see him and not them, cos they're rubbish and anyway he was destined for better fings like this record, right?
This single reached number 16. In fairness, Limahl did go on to have a massive hit with "Never Ending Story" and continues to do well on the nostalgia circuit complete with mullet wig. He's also gay, dontcha know. Who'd have guessed.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 1/10
Heaven 17 : "Temptation"
The fall out from Ian Craig Marsh & Martyn Ware leaving The Human League and Phil Oakey keeping the name was that the two of them got 1% of the earnings from ver League's next album. Fortunately for them the next album was "Dare" the multi platinum selling breakthrough. They put the money to good use and created, with singer Glenn Gregory, the group Heaven 17. This was their biggest hit, though whether it would have been as big without the massive vocals of Carol Kenyon is another question.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 9/10
KC and the Sunshine Band : "Give It Up"
Another number one, amazingly enough, but the last hit for Harry and the boys. Immortalised in the 90's by the Old Trafford faithful's song "Na na na na na na na na na na naah, Nicky Nicky Butt, Nicky Butt, Nicky Nicky Butt!".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Malcolm McLaren : "Double Dutch"
Skip they do's the Double Dutch, that's them dancing.." McLaren's inspired melding of hip hop, African rhythms and skipping made this a playground hit everywhere. "Hey Ebon, Ebonettes!!"
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Bonnie Tyler : "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
Welsh warbler returns from misadventures across the channel and creates Meat Loaf-esque epic about living in powder kegs, giving off sparks. Health & safety risk if you ask me. The sound of the record was unsurprising, given that Meat Loaf's producer Jim Steinman had a hand in this. Typical Russell "Highlander" Mulcahy nonsense video as well (Dancers, moody angles, crap wire-work). A number one lest we forget.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Culture Club : "Karma Chameleon"
Nearly 25 years on we find out this is a song about Boy George's then lover, group drummer Jon Moss and not a song about hippy reptiles after all. Urgh. Apparently loving would be easy if your colours were like his dreams: red gold and green. Whatever that means.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Men Without Hats : "Safety Dance"
You can dance if you want to. Somehow you just knew that they just had to be Canadian, and a trip to Wikipedia confirms it. One hit wonders in the UK and that's probably a good thing.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 5/10
Kajagoogoo : "Too Shy"
Ah, Chris Hamill again. Produced by Duran Duran's Nick Rhodes, thus bringing in the Duranie's vote, this was their only number one hit. Alas one album later Limahl & Kajagoogoo (more later... really) went their separate ways. Limahl went on to flat share with Paul "Gambo" Gambaccinni, who probably reminded him of all his chart positions every day. They weren't lovers though, no.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Mike Oldfield : "Moonlight Shadow"
A rare chart appearance by grumpy millionaire Mike, with a song featuring great vocals by Maggie Reilly, all about John Lennon's death. Or not. Depends on how he's feeling, the miserable bugger, judging from interviews I've read. All that money from "Tubular Bells" and he's still a moany old c*nt.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Men at Work : "Down Under"
Another number one, this time from this Antipodean crew, whose best work is forgotten in favour of this harmless novelty hit. Such is life. Introduced us to the delights of the drink Zombie, the Vegimite sandwich and the term "chunder".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Rock Steady Crew : "(Hey You) The Rock Steady Crew"
1983 was the year Breakdancing and body-popping crossed over onto the mainstream. helped by the likes of Malcolm McLaren (see earlier) and this bunch of one hit wonders, who had been around since 1979 as a breakdancing crew in New York. Naff then, naff now.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Rod Stewart : "Baby Jane"
Professional Denis Law look-a-likey and pretend Scotsman Rod Stewart was back with a vengeance this year with more AOR rock tunes, of which this was the biggest, hitting the top spot. And strangely for Rod, not a cover. He still had the horrendous spandex trousers though. All togevver naahhh.... "Baaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyybee Jane..."
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
Paul Young : "Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)"
After plying his trade in various pub rock bands over the years, Mr Young finally hits the big-time proper with this number one Marvin Gaye cover, and goes multi-platinum with the accompanying "No Parlez" album, which unfortunately contains the worst cover of Joy Division's "Love Will Tear Us Apart" you'll ever hear. well, apart from New Order's live version that is. Anyway, I always preferred "Love Of The Common People".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
New Edition : "Candy Girl"
Whitney battering Bobby Brown in younger-ballsnotyetdropped-mode. Tapping into that Jackson 5 vibe, New Edition were massive in the US and made the crossover the water to reach number one here in the UK. Though listen to the song now and it's like nails on blackboard. Anyway, we had Musical Youth, the voice of a young black Britain, so off with you Johnny Foreigner. There's nothing for you here. Tried to have a comeback in the mid nineties, but by crikey we weren't having it again.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 3/10
Kajagoogoo : "Big Apple"
No Limahl this time. The first Chris Hamill-less release saw bassist Nick Beggs step up to the mike to deliver this oh so eighties big production number, all about large fruit. Or New York. Alas, although reaching number 8 it started to go tits up and the Kajagoogoo boys shortened their monicker to just "Kaja" to little effect before calling it a day.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 4/10
Tina Turner : "Let's Stay Together"
TT was about as popular as fart in a crowded lift before the Heaven 17 guys resurrected her career with this cover of the old Al Green soul classic. The rest is history, every steamy windowed-private dancing-goldeneyed-simply the best bit of it.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Human League : "(Keep Feeling) Fascination"
Only their second single since 1981's massive "Don't You Want Me", this unnecessarily bracketed titled tune had many a youngster wondering whether their record deck had gone wonky or they'd been sold faulty goods down at Woolies. Phil shares vocal duties this time with the rest of the band. so as to share the blame collectively. Despite being an out of tune mess this reached number 2, but it was all down hill from here for ver League, but I still love 'em.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Howard Jones : "New Song"
A new genre is invented by Mr Jones called "Veggie daft haired synth pop", but this sadly fails to catch on (unless you count Nik Kershaw who's own work often got mixed up with Howard's output by dim people). "Throw off those mental chains" implored Howard on Top Of The Pops, whilst a bald bloke called Jed danced behind him miming the words. A proto-Bez you might say. Plinkety plonk electro-pop that hasn't dated well, though I loved it at the time.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
UB40 : "Please Don't Make Me Cry"
Good grief, the Brummies are back again with a second top 10 hit. Two UB40 records on one Now album was something that wouldn't happen again, you'd be pleased to know. Shite.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 2/10
Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack : "Tonight I Celebrate My Love"
There's always one track on a "Now" album that got skipped, and here it is. Push that needle across the record.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 0/10
Tracey Ullman : "They Don't Know"
"Three Of A Kind" comedienne Tracey continued her semi-humerous pop career with this top 3 brilliantly faithful cover of a Kirsty MacColl flop. Ullman then buggers off to America to be unfunny, richer and "invents" The Simpsons. Ex co-star Lenny Henry is now also unfunny and fat, and David Copperfield (not that one) has never been heard of since.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Will Powers : "Kissing With Confidence"
Carly Simon sings the good bit on this you know. That is all.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Which coincidentally leads me to...
Genesis : "That's All"
What? No "Mama"? The line between Collins's solo career and that of Genesis became fuzzy with this jaunty Chas & Dave-esque knees up. Tony Banks attempts to go for a keyboard solo ala the old prog days but Phil's having none of it and reins him back in promptly.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 6/10
The Cure : "Love Cats"
The obligatory left field track falls to Robert Smith in eccentric pop mode. The Cure from 1982 to 1992 actually released about a dozen brilliant pop tunes but they're still seen as gloomy goths by the plebs. Ah well, their loss.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Simple Minds : "Waterfront"
All previous esoteric and arty European ideas are tossed overboard as Jim Kerr enters arena rock mode with this classic. At this point they were neck and neck with U2 in the "who's the bigger rock group" contest. Unfortunately pies & pomp got the better of Kerr and when he forgot a) how to laugh at himself and b) to move on musically there was only to be one winner. Thus Bono & co play sell out stadiums, and ver Minds play halls and are "big in Europe".
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 7/10
Madness : "The Sun and the Rain"
Ever reliable Madness returned with another jaunty Top Ten hit, though they were getting noticeably more miserable and melancholic with every release by this stage. Still good though. However 24 years on, Suggs is on the telly advertising Birds Eye meals. Ho hum.
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 8/10
Culture Club "Victims"
This calculated gamble for number one Christmas single was funnily enough derailed by the Flying Pickets' acapella nightmare "Only You". Ha. Good. As for "Victims", I don't know if this is about shagging the drummer or not like "Karma Chameleon". Probably all their songs were. Except "War is Stupid". Which was about war. And how it's stupid. And people are stupid. And love means nothing in some strange quarters.
Actually, Culture Club were shit really weren't they?
NOWTASTIC POINTS: 0/10
Which gives us a grand total of 172 points out of 300. Could do better...
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