"We Are The Masters Of Earth..."

I am 40 years old by the way.

An update from a cat earlier today

Meow. Remember me?

Yes it's me, Greebo Cat, reporting for Furry News.  Not put any messages up for a while. Hey, it's all about Twitter these days (though I thought that was something to do with killing birds... hey ho). Just thought I'd report that it's too bleedin' hot at the mo and it's disturbing my sleep. Not that I get proper sleep these days with the strange hours that the bald monkeys are keeping these days. Bastards. And then there's that buzzy noise on the telly when the stupid men are kicking the ball about. Don't they know it's all about catching it and then kicking the hell out of it with your back paws? None of this putting it in the net bollocks (though England seem to be quite good at not putting it in the net ha ha ha ha ha).

AND my fur is going grey, as well as my garden being invaded by that dopey girl cat from over the fence. Ooh it's all go. Still, at least I've not had to go into Guantanamo for a while. I think they've learnt their lesson there...

Right, got to go and catch up on some sleep. Only got 23 hours yesterday and I'm knackered.

Germany 4 England 1. Oh dear.

Just a quick post to say that after the World Cup in 2006 I swore I'd never get worked up by the England Football Team ever again. Too many years of heartbreak and/or terrible teams had taken it's toll and I swore... no more. So for the past four years it's been a case of not being bothered about qualifiers and team selections... and it's been great. World Cup 2010 in South Africa has come, England qualified, turned up in body, not in spirit or talent, and got through the first round somehow. Today they faced the old enemy Germany, and got their arses well and truly kicked. Disappointing, but frankly I'm not bothered. I'd dissociated myself a long time back and was under no illusions that we'd do nothing. Arsed.

Don't let the goal that never was cloud your view - England may have had a chance at 2-2 but frankly the defending was so poor we'd have been beaten 4-2. Is it the manager Capello's fault? Is it the players? Not really bothered - the only thing I hope is that this result prompts the FA into taking down the whole England set up and starting from scratch. Get the young players in and plan for 2014, NOT the Euros.

Now we're weeding out the shit teams the World Cup may take off and some quality may surface. You can but hope.

More from Smash Hits '84!

More SMASH HITS nonsense!!!! This time from early Autumn 1984... September to be precise. This issue's cover star is the mighty Stuart Goddard, aka Adam Ant, back from the pop dumpster after the previous year's panto-pop shocker "Puss in Boots". This time he's got a new concept kids. He's an rockabilly boxing astronaut!! Of course he is... and he is about to have a top 20 hit with "Apollo 9", a mad ahead-of-it's-time classic. But this would be the final appearance of the Antster on the cover of ver Hits. Indeed, we'd see little more of him for the rest of the 80's bar a forgettable Live Aid performance the following year. Shame. Still in retrospect you can see where it all began to go wrong...

Also, tucked away in the top left corner is Dame David Bowie! Hurrah! Following the success of the 1983 "Let's Dance" album, the Dame returns with "Blue Jean"! A great single but with an awful video complete with (deep breath) "acting" from Dave. We all know how bad  that is. All the previous year's good work was undone by the accompanying "Tonight" album, which is frankly cack, much like his output from there on. "Dancing in the Streets" and Tin Machine await... Big marks to the designers of the cover though - how Eighties is that? Fabulous.

Classic Hits cover to the left. Duran Duran's Simon Le Bon at his most punchable best. Wearing a great T-shirt. Gawd knows what he's on the cover for as they didn't have any records out - still those were the days... when it wasn't all about promotion. Also... George Michael solo!! Dumping Andrew for a solo single (a taste of things to come) with "Careless Whisper". Culture Club...in Japan! As dull as Culture Club would be anywhere I suppose. Prince is there, as "Purple Rain" is massive this year. And rightly so. Thompson Twins and Spandau Ballet are also featured but they are bound for the dumper very soon. And rightly so. Yes Divine IS mentioned on the cover, as  "You Think You're A Man" is a big gay crossover hit (1984 is big on hi-energy single hits - Hazell Dean anybody?).

"What's This Hippy Doing Here?" barks the coverline for this issue. He is of course Neil from "The Young Ones" played by Nigel Planer who's having a massive hit with a cover of Donovan's "Hole In My Shoe" on the back of the success of the second series of the show. And amazingly for a comedy record, it was and still is bloody good. No negative vibe merchants here.

Other nonsense in this issue includes diminutive teenage fave singer songwriter Nik Kershaw (he's the one that's not Howard Jones) who wasn't letting the sun go down on him. His fans may have been a different matter.  Michael Jackson features for some reason, the "Thriller" era being well over by now. OMD are hardy perrenials still having single hits, this one being the twee "Talking Loud & Clear". Blurrghhh. Oh and Martin Kemp. Double blurghhhhh.

AWOOGA! AWOOGA! MULLETS AHOY!! Adorning the Readers' Poll issue are these two blokes with questionable hair. One of the statements on this cover may have been true (for some), the other proved to be entirely incorrect. For the gentlemen on the right is John Taylor, charismatic (or "fit" if you're a gurl) bass player for Duran Duran. The bloke on the left is the son of a dead Beatle. Alas, Julian Lennon (for it is he) had a great hit with "Too Late For Goodbyes" which sounded almost entirely like an outtake by his dad.  And it was goodbye to Julian for a few years as he never troubled the charts again until 1991 and the dire "Saltwater".  Again, the Smash Hits readers fail to predict the stars of the future, instead voting for someone with big hair (Howard Jones won the previous year).

The Readers' Poll issue would notoriously be pamphlet thin and a time filler over Christmas until we got to the New Year... which this time would be 1985!!! More soon...

Hey! The garden CAN look nice...

So we thought it'd be nice to add some colour to the poor old garden...

Some yellow ones with a bit of red....

...some pink ones...

...and these are... blue I think...

... red flowers in a pot...

...and some more pink ones.

Greebo was less than impressed with our hard work-stroke-buying in skills.

"Where can I have a piss now?"

Doop doo doo doo doop... 1984! More Smash Hits ramblings...

Welcome to 1984!!! George Orwell... Big Brother and all that... but an abysmal Eurythmics single comes later in the year. Let's see what Smash Hits brought us early on...

Let us celebrate the first of a great many appearances on the ver cover of ver Hits by Madge herself, looking fantastic in her green Benetton jumper and far too many bangles for one wrist (I'm sure there's a joke there about wrist action and the Bangles but I'll leave it). This must be publicising either "Holiday" or "Lucky Star", and was a birrova gamble for the mag to put her on the cover so early in her career. Still it didn't do Jimmy the Hoover any harm... oh.

Also hanging on for dear life to the pop lifeboat are the Limahl-less Kajagoogoo, limping on regardless with the charisma free Nick Beggs at the helm. US soap star turned singer Rick Springfield also merits a cover mention for some God forsaken reason, and there's Re-Flex!! "The Politics of Dancing... the politics of oooohhhhh feeling good!" as their one hit went (it's on Now II, sensation seekers). Tracey Ullman hasn't at this point legged it to be massive in America and is still hawking fine 60's pastiches on the Stiff record label. But who's that in big letters? Lord Frederick Of Mercury and Queen of course, who suddenly were back back BACK!! and became poptastic again with "Radio Ga Ga". They would show no sign of becoming crap again for the rest of the decade. Welcome back sirs!!

Fast forward to April. Who are these ugly bastards ruining the cover of my fortnightly pop periodical? Oh it's those controversial scousers Frankie Goes to Hollywood, looking well hard in army & navy gear publicising single of the year "Two Tribes" which would dominate the charts for the rest of the summer. Can you spot the gay members of the band kids?

Apparently also featured are Dead or Alive, so this must be their pre-Stock Aitken & Waterman era (i.e. cack); Duran Duran being generally massive with "The Reflex" and... look! Like the turd that won't flush away, Nick Heyward refusing to accept that he's down the dumper and still hanging on to adulation by looks alone.

Hit songs by OMD ("Crossing every ocean for the sake of Locomotion"... oh dear), ver Bunnymen in imperial mode with "The Killing Moon" and Shannon with the record that invented the Pet Shop Boys... "Let The Music Play". Good stuff. We'll gloss over Mr Collins.

Blimey. It's Wham! (always with an exclaimation mark please) beaming away on the cover. "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" had been number one and catapulted the suntanned Princess Di Hair-alike George and proto-Bez Andrew into the higher echelons of the pop royalty. Suddenly 1984 was all about them, Duran, Frankie and Spandau. Goodo.

Also in this issue was more Madge, Manchester's finest New Order who were in the charts with the majestic "Thieves Like Us", and the now perv-mungous Depeche Mode who'd gone from plinketty plonk synth meisters under Vince Clarke to purveyors of industrial clangy metal synth with Martin Gore in charge or songwriting. Brrrrrrr.

Plus hit songs by Howard Jones ("Pearl In The Shell" - "Shit in the Bog" more like), pre-"Kayleigh" Marillion (avoid), and Limahl, who's like an untalented Nick Heyward at this point.

More soon....  

Long time no speak

Just a quick update - there's been no posts due to personal circumstances. All I will say is that our son was born sleeping. Rest in peace James Alexander. We loved you and will always do so.