It's Thursday, it's seven o'clock & it's... oh, axed.

Top of the Pops axed. You'd expect me to pass a tear at this sad news, but then again... no (to quote Elton). Unfortunately, it's about time, because the way TOTP is at the moment, it's like looking at a lame dog struggling to crawl up the stairs every Sunday. It needs putting out of it's misery. No good putting a nice shiny collar on it and then shutting it in the back yard for no one to see... ahem. Enough canine comparisons. Let us go on.

It's a cliche to say that TOTP hasn't been any good for ages. Let's face it, everybody has said it at some point in the last 30 years, because the memory cheats - TOTP has always been good & crap, usually in the same edition, because it reflects the charts. For every Jam there's a Lena Martell, for every All Saints there's a Ricky Martin, for every Roxy Music there's Mud. But the cliche is actually now correct. It's a shambles.

For people of a certain age, or old bastards as they are known, the 70s era of Top Of The Pops featuring the likes of Slade, Noel Edmonds, Bowie ("who's that poof with the make up?" says yer Dad) & Pans People is firmly fixed in their minds as the classic years. I was a bit too young to appreciate all this, coming in at the arse end of punk, and whilst watching clips of the lovely Babs, Cherry Gillespie & co frug their way through Gilbert O'Sullivan songs has some appeal to me now ("Phwoor"), it's two eras that have it for me.

1983 to 1990 (or the classic "Now That's What I Call Music" years) is the golden age for me. Okay, there was a lot of shite on, but wasn't that always the case? From New Romantics through Live Aid Rock via Pete Waterman Pop to House & Baggy - these were the years where you'd go into school on the Friday morning and talk about such topics as Howard Jones' daft mate & his mental chains, Frankie's "Two Tribes", Kylie going round Sydney in her open top limo, Madonna's pink wig, the new Duran video, Marti Pellow's shit-eating grin, Sabrina's gravity defying breasts (pictured left) and how George Michael can't be a poof, look at his girlfriend.

And that's the key point - it was firmly entrenched as Thursday night entertainment, stuck before Eastenders or Tomorrow's World. Things started to go wrong in the 90s, when tinkering with the format started happening. The early 90s were a bit dodgy for TOTP, experimenting with live vocals during an era of faceless dance music, and having too many MOR artists appearing, making the show more like Pebble Mill at times. The show really needed a kick up the arse, and got it when producer Ric Blaxhill took over the reins of the show, coinciding with the rise of Britpop. This was my second favorite era: from 1993 to around 1997, every week there would be something great - Bjork, Pulp, Take That, Spice Girls, Kylie, Oasis v Blur, guest presenters like Vic & Bob, Damon, Kylie, Jack Dee - there was still something to talk about the next day at work. I've still got many of these shows on luddite VHS and they're great. There were "exclusive" performances but the basic format of the chart was adhered to.

However, ITV's Emmerdale was starting to beat TOTP in the ratings in the Thursday slot. So the BBC sneakily moved the show to Fridays during certain sporting events and left it there... opposite Coronation Street, in a move which was reminiscent of what they did to Doctor Who in the 80s (but that's another story). Whilst the quality of the show stayed more or less the same (as ever, dependent on who was in the chart at that time), who was watching it? Everybody I knew watched the antics of the residents of Weatherfield, or was too busy getting ready to go out. Families would be split now, between the soap or the tunes. "But there's a late Saturday repeat" says Mr BBC Press Office - yeah, only good to insomniacs or people staggering in from a nightclub with a kebab and a wee nightcap. And don't get me started on TOTP2.

So it struggled on into the 21st century... but wait! Hurrah! Help is at hand! In a genius move, the Beeb brought ex-Ed The Duck-fister Andi Peters (below) in from his dumbing down of the youth department at Channel 4 to overhaul the show, and he fucked it well and truly up with imbecile presenters, magazine type articles ("Hi, I'm Cheryl Tweedy & this is us, Girls Aloud in our hotel, in Japan exclusively for TOTP" - cheers), a rundown of the album chart (why??) and criminally, no actual records from the chart, just "exclusives". It was as if they wanted it to fail. And fail it did, Peters jumping the sinking ship back to presenting, his job done, and the show being eventually shunted into the background like some embarrassing incontinent relative, over to BBC2 on a Sunday. Yeah, cos music shows have always done well on a Sunday. Dickheads. Plus they show clips from old editions of TOTP just to add insult to injury, to avoid having to have too many bands on (expensive) and in this process avoid compiling new TOTP2 shows. It's now trying to be all things to all people yet satisfying nobody. Unless you're a Fearne Cotton fan.

The decline is nothing to do with the changing formats for music. "Downloads are all the rage"- nim nim nyur, crap: CDs replaced vinyl, MP3s replace CDs, life goes on, it's still music. "But there's plenty of other outlets for music such as the channels on SKY which serve the viewer better" they say. Yeah right - the same 20 videos shown over and over covered with text messages and replaced by phone in quiz shows during the night. On every channel. I'd also hardly call "Later With Jools Holland" an adequate substitute. The moment the BBC moved away from the fundamentally simple concept of TOTP - that is, you release a single, if it gets in the Top 40 you'll probably have a chance to be on the show, you drop down the charts, you don't - is the moment that the show began to go off the rails. Putting the show on at a time when it has no chance of a major audience share was the death knell. Moving to BBC2 on a Sunday was more or less the last rites being given. All the programme needed was some TLC (no, not the group).

Bizarrely, the BBC say TOTP2 & the magazine will live on, as will the foreign versions of the show. Neil Tennant of the Pet Shop Boys (who worked for Smash Hits, also sadly gone this year) said this on the subject: "We've felt that the BBC have gradually run down the show since the mid-90s, not trusting the chart-based format, moving it from its classic Thursday evening slot on BBC1 until it ended up on BBC2 with inevitably smaller viewing figures. 'Top Of The Pops' is a world-famous name in music television and it's a shame to see it disappear. Actually, it's worse than a shame, it's a mistake."

You can only hope that they're on the last edition. The only good thing I've seen recently is PSB doing "I'm With Stupid" on the show, with dancers in Blair & Bush masks (pictured). It would be fitting to have something decent on it... like the old days.

Shit. I've become a person of a certain age.

That Tramore Feeling

Ever felt blissed out?


You know that moment where everything's right with the world. And months or years later, even on the crappiest of days, you think back to that moment and you're temporarily there again and the worlds okay for a few hours.

Mine is walking barefoot with Celia along Tramore beach with the warm waves from the Atlantic ocean splashing around our feet, the water so clear we could see the golden sand, sun beating down on our backs.

Tramore, for those who care, is a little seaside resort off the South Coast of Ireland, down the road from Waterford, which is big with surfers. The gorgeous Celia & I spent a week there last year, which was fabulous, and I can recommend it to anybody who’d like to get away from it all for a while. I'll probably wax more lyrically about it later.

If I ever want to chill out, I cast my mind back to that afternoon in September last year, where Celia & I unwound, and I’m gone.

If I can ever experience something that can match that, I’ll be a lucky person.

That Tramore feeling.

The Rise & Fall Of Western Civilisation (or Why Q Magazine Went Crap)

Arrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.
That's better.
Hang on.
Arrgggggaggggghhhhhhhh.

Q magazine. Grrrrr. What the hell went wrong there? Why would I bother spending nearly £4 for a vapid glossy photorag full of large print articles, thinly veiled corporate advertising masquerading as articles , 20 word CD reviews and Top 100 lists of songs to download for your IPod every month? I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!

It wasn't always like this. I bought my first issue of Q back in November 1986, when I was in my first year of sixth form. I still bought "Smash Hits" in those days, it had reached it's peak and hadn't yet entered the downward spiral into SAW-era bubblegum pop, but I wasn't totally ready for the grubbly inky world of NME or Sounds just yet. I stumbled across Q, and being a glossy mag junkie (I still am) I gave it a go, despite it being full of middle of the road post-Live Aid rockers such as McCartney and Bruce Springsteen, as it also had indepth stuff on current bands and what's more, it had... text. Loads of it. 17 page articles about Elton John's outrageous antics in the 70s, indepth features about "The Comic Strip Presents...", Scorsese movies... it was an oasis of info in the pre-internet age. It would take me a couple of weeks to devour every word written by the likes of ex-Smash Hits men Mark Ellen & David Hepworth, as well as the indepth reviews of these new fangled CD things. It soon became my bible. Hey, my first adult magazine (and I'm not talking about Bongo mags).

As the 90s came, young rival upstarts such as "Vox" & "Select" arrived on the block, covering the new indie baggy/grunge scenes, but Q plodded on with Dire Straits tour diaries & Kate Bush exclusives, never dumbing down but becoming a bit "dad-rock", before Kurt Cobain's death & the arrival of Britpop kicked it's arse into gear. Helpfully, MOJO magazine had been created by Hepworth at EMAP at this time to take a bit of the weight of the old guard off Q's shoulders, allowing it to concentrate on the bright young things such as Blur & Oasis. By the mid 90s I was reading every music mag out, but Q still had the edge as the quality of writing was still there.

So we get to the end of the century ("Oh, it's nothing special" as Albarn would say), Melody Maker's bit the dust, Vox had gone silent, Select was dying post-Diana, but like the Duracell bunny, Q goes on, complete with new associated interwebsitethingy, but an alarming downturn in quality. No longer did it take me a while to read. The reviews were becoming strangely shorter, an alarming number of issues were full of filler such as "100 best..." lists, and the writing was bitty, as if the average reader had an attention span of a gnat. This style permeated much of the other music titles, with the NME becoming more unreadable, as the online version became more popular.

Hepworth & Ellen noticed that there was a gap in the market for a title that would resurrect the spirit & content that the original Q created, and thus "Word" magazine was born. At this point I realised that my relationship with Q was dying and it was time to move on.

It's maybe harsh to blame Q when most magazines have gone the same way, with most of the men's market being the worst culprits (you know, "Loaded" was once very readable & intelligent... compared to now when your might as well get "Mayfair" and be honest), and maybe it's me getting older and more nostalgic for "simpler" times, but 20 years on, me and Q have separated. We may meet up every now and again but frankly, I think we've both moved on, for the better in my case.

We Interrupt This Blog To Bring You Cat

Hi. My name is Greebo.

You may recognise me from my starring roles in the movies "Hanging Around People's Feet". "Feed Me Human, Now" and of course, my breakthrough role in "Enter The Litter Tray".

Apologies for hijacking this Blog, but these seems to be a distinct lack of me, the so-called "family cat", in this journal so far, so I had to intervene. Hence the lovely picture of me to the right. I'm like the Will Smith of the feline world.

Anyway, I've dragged myself away from a evening's kip to plonk myself on the typey bright screen telly thing in the back room. I saw the bald one's password earlier and have sneakily logged in whilst he's asleep. I like the female one, she's very important as she buys what they call "dinner" and gives me cuddles. The male one is nice to sit on, but thinks he's my boss. Don't worry though, I'll jump from the window ledge later and land heavily on his balls to remind him of my place in the household.

Anyway, I'm getting bored now as there's a full moon and I've got to get my quota of spaz behaviour in for the night, and also it's a right bastard to type with these paws. So goodbye for now.

Until next time, mip-meow.

I wish I was a Pop Singer with PR Spin to spare

Now, Sandi Thom. Just what we need, an Aldi KT Tunstall. Only joking. “I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker With Flowers In My Hair” is a great record, the stripped down feel of vocals and drums only makes it really stand out when you hear it on the radio. She’s got a decent voice, if a bit Cher-like, and the video is one of those clever jobs, with the speeded up and slowed down visuals whilst still singing in-synch. All well and good – this should have been enough to get people’s attention. Obviously it wasn’t enough back in October when it was originally released on an independent label, when it reached 55.

Now, the Press Releases have it that because she was a poor old struggling artist, and the cost of touring was prohibitive, she instead did web casts via a £60 digital camera and some streaming help from Creative Tank (not cheap) from her Tooting basement flat which somehow picked up over 70,000 hits. On the basis of this RCA threw a contract her way and the rest is history. What a lovely story.

Not quite. Two minutes on Google and you’ll find some interesting opinions on this PR bollocks. To webcast to that many people is amazingly expensive for a “struggling artist”, so I can’t believe that there wasn’t some major record company support in place at the time. And if there were that many hits, why is there no record of major internet activity around the time of these broadcasts (according to Independent Traffic analysis). So possibility of a bit of PR exaggeration there. Note: she’s already signed a major publishing deal by that point.

RCA head honcho (& ex Bros bass player) Craig Logan, the man who signed Thom, stated: "the only guerrilla marketing tactics employed were when the flyer was sent out to over one million email addresses, which is hardly revolutionary," he said. A million e-mail addresses? That’s a bit excessive. He said the flyer had contained a link to Thom's website, which explained why people monitoring search engine traffic had tracked few searches for Thom. Mr Logan added that the costs of the bandwidth for Thom's webcasts were "absorbed by the streaming company". So RCA must have been involved from early on, otherwise where would a “struggling artist” get access to details like that for viral marketing purposes?

The Times "discovered" that Thom’s PR agency offered thousands of fans free copies of her album in return for their sending messages encouraging people to listen to the single through the social networking website, MySpace.com (bear in mind that's owned by News International, as is the Times).

Frankly there far too much here that doesn’t make sense if you actually push through the PR bullshit. It’s a shame, as the record is damn good but for me the whole thing is a bit disheartening. You’ve got to worry about if Sandi Thom hasn’t actually burnt her bridges in going along with this. It’s the internet age, and it’s very easy to get caught out if you’re making some grand claims. Her PR firm obviously thought this scam would be great and lazy journalists seemed to initially fall for it. However, the same lazy journalists have scoured the web and found enough to evidence from people who actually know what they’re talking about to cast doubt upon these claims and I can’t help but think Thom will suffer in the long run.

Okay, you’ve got a number one single now – have you got enough to follow that up without any hype and probably with the media out to get you?

Read 'Sandi Thom's Tooting'...

X-Men 3 - Fanboys 2

X-Men III: The Last Stand is good.

There, I’ve said it. Strike me down now, if you wish. Looking round t’internet I can’t believe the unwarranted levels of vitriol levelled against this movie. I deliberately avoided any reviews or trailers beforehand in order to go into the movie with an open mind, and last Friday was thoroughly entertained for just under two hours by a very worthy sequel. Whilst not reaching the heights of X2, it was certainly better than the first movie, which ended just as it was finally getting going.

From looking at comments I think the criticisms are based on what wasn’t there in the movie rather than what was actually up on the screen. Okay, the short running time and the many subplots meant that some things were rushed or forgotten about, such as Wolverine’s quest to find his origins from the previous film, Rogue & Iceman’s relationship, and Cyclops’ death was a bit subdued (but he was an arse-pain anyway); also it would seem major sequences glimpsed in the trailers had been cut from the finished film, but did these factors affect the end result? No. The plot made perfect sense, and you didn’t need to have seen the previous two to enjoy it.

The performances of Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart & (Sir) Ian McKellen were as good as ever. Kelsey "Frasier" Grammer was excellent as the Beast, as was the underrated & frankly gorgeous Famke Janssen in the pivotal role of Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix. Even Halle Berry got something else to do this time, other than look moody in the background. The effects were excellent, especially the battle sequence with Magneto, the Prof & Jean in the house.

Whilst director Brett “Rush Hour” Ratner could never be put up in the A-list, here he does as good a job as anybody could, keeping the film tight & punchy and handling the set pieces like the Golden Gate bridge sequence excellently, whilst at the same time throwing a few fan faves into the mix (Juggernaut, the Danger Room). I could criticise the scriptwriters for the odd finale - why didn't Wolverine use the vaccine on Jean to save her, rather than killing her,and Vinny Jones playing Vinny Jones in a body suit is an unwelcome remnant of original director Matthew Vaughan's casting, but that’s just me being picky. Nice twist at the end also. Pity we left before the credits ended, as there was another twist involving Professor Xavier, which you can find out about on the net if you look hard enough.

Fans will never totally accept any movie interpretation of their beloved comics, as there’s an inbuilt refusal to accept that compromise has to be made between making a film for a general audience and a film for them. I have a rudimentary knowledge of X-Men, but it all looks okay to me, that’s probably why I’m more accepting of the films.

8/10 from me. The Last Stand? Don’t you believe it.

Recommended Eating Places Of The World Number 243: O'Neills, Dublin

Hidden quietly away in the southside of Dublin city, just a short walk from Temple Bar, and round the corner from Trinity College, is a pub which should be the first port of call for any hungry traveller. O'Neills, on Suffolk Street, just across from the Tourism Centre, is a traditional Irish pub with all the usual nook and crannies you find in such an establishment. However this pub does food... and when I say food, I don't mean your usual "that'll do" pub slop. This is "Help, I can't walk afterwards" fare.

If you walk past the snugs you'll find a long bar that serves as a carvery, located towards the rear. On the menu you'll find such delights as oak-smoked Irish salmon, roast beef, turkey and lamb, roast rib of beef, honey-baked Limerick ham, loin of pork, steak, Cajun chicken, etc as well as traditional Irish stew. They serve every day from noon until late with prices generally around 10 Euro, which may seem a lot but when you stagger back from the bar with a plate steeped in all manner of veg and your choice of meal, you'll realize what a bargain this is. Wanna see what delights they have on the menu sometimes? A sample menu can be found here: http://www.oneillsbar.com/carvery.htm. Yum. Add to this the usual selection of ales and you're on a winner. Although busy, you'll usually find a seat to relax and eat in general peace.

Should a big meal not be your bag, you can get a fresh sandwich made up from the fine selection available from the sandwich bar at a reasonable price, as well as tea & coffee. I recommend sitting upstairs where there's big bight windows out of which you can look out on the passing citizens going about their daily grind whilst you sit quaffing Guinness. Beware the toilets though - there's strange fluorescent lighting which makes you feel you're at a rave in 1991 and shows up all the fluff on your jacket. Weird.

Customers are mainly locals, workers, loads of American tourists & students. We've visted each time we've been to Dublin, and neither Celia or I have ever been disappointed. In fact we've usually been too full to finish the meal. Get in here around midday, grab a meal and you won't need to eat for about another six hours - you'll be set up for the day. Try http://www.oneillsbar.com/

More Arsenal

Further to my earlier post about supporting Arsenal in the European Cup Final... errr, sorry that was a lapse on my part. It won't happen again. It was good to see the players and manager reverted back to their usual whinging moaning ways afterwards. Same old Arsenal, always bleating.

Still, never mind, it's the taking part that counts, eh Thierry?

Okey Dokey Computer

Well, we saw Radiohead on the second of their two night stint at Blackpool Empress Ballroom, as part of their 2006 “We’re going to try out some new songs on you” tour. This was the fourth time for me, having first seen them at the same venue back in 1997 during the “OK Computer” tour, but the first time for Celia, who you couldn’t exactly call a fan. To say she liked some of their stuff would be generous. C was of the opinion that they’ve got a couple of songs that she could put up with, such as “Stop Whispering” & “High & Dry”. However, “OK Computer” had put her off.

Now, I’ve always said that seeing Radiohead live would change your opinion of them. So, as they were playing on our doorstep, it was a no-brainer. Of course, some pre-gig preparation and conditioning would be needed. Further investigation under laboratory conditions (i.e. play Radiohead CDs around the house & in the car in the vain hope she’d go “Ooh, I like this. Who is it?”) indicated that she appreciated the Pablo Honey/Bends era more than their current stuff.

Ah.

Well, bearing in mind that the first 10 songs played were either new & unheard or from "Kid A"-era ‘head onwards, I think she did rather well, even if trips to the bar were needed to cope. For myself, I loved “The Bends” & “OK Computer”, but “Kid A”, “Amnesiac” & “Hail To The Thief”, whilst having their moments, never caused me to pull them off the shelf that often, probably not helped by Thom Yorke’s increasingly whiny vocal style. Fortunately he’s not as bad live and the Empress Ballroom acoustics helped drown him out on most of the more rocky songs. I may have to reappraise these albums, as tracks like “National Anthem”, “Morning Bell” and “2+2 =5” all sounded great when played live, with “Pyramid Song” drifting languidly atmospherically round the hall. I was surprised how many tracks I remembered. The new stuff is more of the same, so the possibility of them doing a U2-esque return to their earlier style is seemingly becoming less and less likely.

The main set drew to a close with “Airbag”, “Idioteque” & the superb drumfrenzy that is “There There”, and then the band came on for the first encore with a crowd pleasing “Just”, “The Bends” & “Street Spirit”, by which time Celia was getting into it. Throw in a second encore of Thom muddling through “I Want None Of this” and a blistering “Paranoid Android”, and you’ve got two hours of one of the world’s best bands, on top of their game, in your own back yard.

Now, when you find your girlfriend singing “Karma Police” in the kitchen next day, I think you can say mission accomplished.

Setlist: Everything In It's Right Place / The National Anthem / 2+2=5 / 15 Step / Morning Bell / Pyramid Song / Go Slowly / Bangers 'n' Mash / Dollars And Cents / How To Disappear Completely / Nude / Karma Police / You And Whose Army? / Airbag / Spooks / Idioteque / There There

Encore 1: Just / Four Minute Warning / The Bends / Street Spirit

Encore 2: I Want None Of This / Paranoid Android