Who's this moody looking sod in the check shirt? Cheer up, it may never happen! Oh.
This is the late Stuart Adamson, of Scottish rockers Big Country, a group that were for a time up there with your U2's and Simple Minds in the top flight. "The Crossing", their dubut album, was chock full of rock anthems, such as "In A Big Country", "Chance", "Harvest Home" and of course "Fields Of Fire" ("Cha!!!!"). People used to mock their "bagpipe guitar sound" and for a while after their initial success, they were never entirely taken seriously. However since Adamson's death from alcoholism in 2001, their work has been reappraised, and their sound has been nicked by many a group, most recently The Killers. Of course, back in 1983, Smash Hits treated Big Country in their own unique irreverent style, giving drummer Mark Brzezicki the name "Mark Unpronounceable name out of Big Country".
OMD are back! Back! BACK! (etc). Smartly dressed in their shirts & ties, carring flags... oy oy! Must be a concept! A ropey one at that. This is them getting probably their last ever front cover of a mainstream music mag, promoting "Genetic Engineering", the first single from their crap-stroke-ahead of it's time album "Dazzle Ships" which was a massive flop. I quite liked the singles - then again, OMD always made good singles.
Also in this issue was some early "Wham!" (the exclaimation mark is important of course), along with other some other massive groups of the year Thompson Twins, at the time having their first hit with "Love On Your Side", ver Spands ("Communication") and Liverpudlian wet duo China Crisis having their first top 40 hit with "Christian". Plus hit songs by Rocker's Revenge (remember "Walking On Sunshine"?") and Aussie rockers Icehouse with "Hey Little Girl".
Who's that girl? And isn't that Weller? The answer dear reader is she's Tracie Young, and he is the Modfather, newly released from the confines of The Jam and wandering into pop-soul territory with The Style Council. Tracie of course sang on their penultimate single "The Bitterest Pill", and was about to embark on her own career as a solo artist on Weller's own "Respond" label, with her first single "The House That Jack Built", which was a bit of a poptastic number, that boded well for the future. Alas it was not to be. Great hat and flick though.
Duran Duran answer readers questions inside, probably asking what John Taylor's favourite colour is. There's also that essential article on Hall & Oates, and also Animal Nightlife (who hell they?). Hit songs by Ultravox, Wah! and Bow Wow Wow (exit stage right very shortly afterwards for them).
Nice suit, Jim! 1983 was the year that Simple Minds really started to make it big, with their "Sparkle In The Rain" album consolidating the success of the previous year's "New Gold Dream". Mr Kerr celebrated by buying a new blue suit and throwing some shapes on the cover of this issue. "Get in get out of the rain" indeed. Also in this issue are grumpy Roland and Curt from Tears For Fears, a bunch of scousers with the bizarre name Frankie Goes To Hollywood and a little song called "Relax" which went on to do quite well, a now completely panto Adam Ant ("Puss cat puss cat, where have you been?"), and a synth veggie bloke called Howard Jones (plus Jed) banging on about "tearing down those mental chains". Whatever.
Tracie!! Put that chair down now, you'll have someone's eye out! She's gone all blonde highlighty and moody on this summer cover. "Give It Some Emotion" was her second and last hit, but there's little sign of any emotion in this piccy, bless her. Also in this issue is Shakin' Stevens (still having hits... how did this happen?), more wet scousers The Lotus Eaters, The Cure moving into their pop phase with "The Walk", plus hit songs by The Police and Roman Holliday ("Don't Try To Stop It" - no, please do try).
Wham! began their chart domination around this time, and George & Andrew's annoying tanned faces and gleaming teeth were beaming out from the covers of most pop magazines for the next three years. In retrospect this cover looks as camp and cheesy as hell, and it summed them up - completely punchable. "Club Tropicana" was the biggie around this time, and was (and still is) utterly awful. Spandau Ballet were inside, promoting their summer smash "True" (school disco smooch material numero uno). Sting was also inside, probably grumping about his bandmates and hinting at The Police's impending collapse. Also inside - The Truth. God knows who they were.
Martin Fry is back and is looking mean. No more gold lame, as all the lush romantic sounds are dumped for a more "raw" (i.e. crap) sound with "That Was Then But This Is Now", all crashing 80's drums, guitars and pianos, with nary a string instrument to be
seen. Predictably, the record bombed, and ABC never bothered the Smash Hits cover designer again. Also this fortnight, Genesis! Wooh! The Belle Stars!! King Kurt!!! Hang on, I thought this was meant to be a good year?
Still, there's always Julian Cope, newly solo following the demise of The Teardrop Explodes, and Nick Heyward, whose chart success seemed to be diametrically opposite to the amount of coverage he got in ver Hits. Ahh, pretty boys I suppose.
And so onto pretty annoying boys. Campest of the camp, Leee John of Imagination, on the cover of Smas
h Hits. What the fuck is going on? It's so wrong on so many levels. It's a ruddy con and no mistake matey. He is the epitome of crap. Still, it looked like the least worst option, what with the Eurythmics, Orange Juice, and Shalamar as the possible other contenders. Brrrr. Still, this shows that it wasn't all poptastic every fortnight. As does the following cover.
Jimmy the Hoover? Jimmy the HOOVER? Not even good enough to get onto a Now album. And look at the other contenders... Welsh Big Country wannabes The Alarm, Gary Numan, Sir Clifford of Richard or mad Robert Smith. Suddenly a bloke in a shit hat looked like a reasonable cover image. Obviously the free double sided poster softened the blow.
Still, we get to the end of the year and the now annual Smash Hits Readers Poll results, where Howard Jones wins most promising new artist, or best haircut, or something. The results show that Duran Duran, Spandau, Wham! and Culture Club are the big bands of the year, and will continue to be so for the next 12 months. But who'll knock 'em off their perch next year? JoBoxers? Jimmy the Hoover? Roman Holiday?
Err, no.
Howard bloody Jones.
Cheers, thanks.
Who's this moody looking sod in the check shirt? Cheer up, it may never happen! Oh.
OMD are back! Back! BACK! (etc). Smartly dressed in their shirts & ties, carring flags... oy oy! Must be a concept! A ropey one at that. This is them getting probably their last ever front cover of a mainstream music mag, promoting "Genetic Engineering", the first single from their crap-stroke-ahead of it's time album "Dazzle Ships" which was a massive flop. I quite liked the singles - then again, OMD always made good singles.
Who's that girl? And isn't that Weller? The answer dear reader is she's Tracie Young, and he is the Modfather, newly released from the confines of The Jam and wandering into pop-soul territory with The Style Council. Tracie of course sang on their penultimate single "The Bitterest Pill", and was about to embark on her own career as a solo artist on Weller's own "Respond" label, with her first single "The House That Jack Built", which was a bit of a poptastic number, that boded well for the future. Alas it was not to be. Great hat and flick though.
Tracie!! Put that chair down now, you'll have someone's eye out! She's gone all blonde highlighty and moody on this summer cover. "Give It Some Emotion" was her second and last hit, but there's little sign of any emotion in this piccy, bless her. Also in this issue is Shakin' Stevens (still having hits... how did this happen?), more wet scousers The Lotus Eaters, The Cure moving into their pop phase with "The Walk", plus hit songs by The Police and Roman Holliday ("Don't Try To Stop It" - no, please do try).
seen. Predictably, the record bombed, and ABC never bothered the Smash Hits cover designer again. Also this fortnight, Genesis! Wooh! The Belle Stars!! King Kurt!!! Hang on, I thought this was meant to be a good year?
h Hits. What the fuck is going on? It's so wrong on so many levels. It's a ruddy con and no mistake matey. He is the epitome of crap. Still, it looked like the least worst option, what with the Eurythmics, Orange Juice, and Shalamar as the possible other contenders. Brrrr. Still, this shows that it wasn't all poptastic every fortnight. As does the following cover.
Ver Hits begins it's "Imperial Phase" (© Neil Tennant) for the next five years. With Malcolm McLaren on the cover introducing the general public to hip-hop and scratching with "Buffalo Gals", 1983 was underway. And what a great year it was, readers. Don't let that promise of Shakey & Toyah on the cover above put you off.
ing a hit with "New Year's Day" (timely). Smash Hits would go on to rip the piss out of them throughout the 80's. Boy George & Culture Club continued on their way to world domination, some bloke called Michael Jackson released a single "Billie Jean", which to these ears sounded a hit. "If he stays away from drugs, chimps and kids, he'll be having hits well into his fifties" I predicted at the time. Hit songs this issue are from Men At Work ("he just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich"), Joe "Steppin' Out"Jackson, and Eddy Grant rockin' down to "Electric Avenue" (and then we'll take it higher!). Moving on...
were on the comeback trail with one of John Peel's all time favourite singles, the fabulous "Don't Talk To Me About Love". But hark! What's this in the top left corner? "Fame"? Wasn't that the underwhelming film from 1980? Correct. Two points, sir. But the previous year the UK went mad over the TV spin off series and the soundtrack album "The Kids From Fame", and it became essential viewing every Thursday after Top Of The Pops. Even though it was shit. Also inside, Dame David Bowie! Just before he went completely rubbish! Mari Wilson - just what we didn't always want. A solo Nick Heyward. dumping his bandmates and having a hit with "Whistle Down The Wind". New Order releasing the landmark "Blue Monday" and not making much cash from it. Tracey Ullman... hang on? The comedienne from "Three Of A Kind"? Oh yes
, but now she's nicked the pop career that Kirsty MacColl didn't want and is having hit singles. How odd. Also hits songs from ver Club, and Kajagoogoo. "Too Shite" more like.
Oi! You! Turn round and face the camera! Urgh! Oh no it's fright-bearded David "A" Stewart! Turn back round immediately! Phew. You look a bit better pal... what? You're a woman? Annie Lennox? Of the Eurythmics? Didn't you used to be in the Tourists? Be off with you late seventies new wave artists!! I don't care if you have got a new name and a great new single called "Sweet Dreams"! There's nowt for you here, mush!!! And take your ginger mate with yer! Be off with you!
1982... and Smash Hits is in full swing. Essential reading for all those too young for the NME and too old for Look-In. It reaches it's landmark 100th issue in October, and celebrates with a lovely photo of the Kemp brothers from Spandau Ballet in casual wear. Little did they know that 27 years later they'd be hawking the same old crap on a nostalgia tour via DFS adverts and a cockney gangster film. Still, the rest of the promised content on the cover seems okay - Ultravox, Weller splitting up The Jam, Dexy's with "Jackie Wilson Said" and Culture Club making an appearance in the chart. Ooh that Boy George, he looks like a girl. And as ever, Genesis boring us rigid.
Backtracking a little, the start of the year brings us Basildon electro-popsters Depeche Mode sans one member. Where's their songwriter Vince Clarke? Oh he's buggered off leaving them to their own devices. Never mind, we think they'll do okay. Just stay away from the drugs, drink and pies you young whippersnappers. Other classic features (in colour!) in this issue include Fun Boy Three with some girls called Bananarama. Stupid name, they'll not do well. Songs by Shaky as well as Soft Cell ("Say Hello Wave Goodbye"). By law here I have to make the joke about Marc Almond, so here goes (sniiiippppp - that's enough of that - ED).
he Lexicon Of Love" would be released this year and would go on to be one of the albums of the year, an enduring classic and something of a millstone as they never managed to measure up to it. Also in this issue, more Paul Weller (not The Jam you'll notice ominously), Theatre of Hate (who were always crap), Toni Basil AND The Nolans in colour (the Nolans??) and hit songs by Gary Numan and Kraftwerk - that'll be "Showroom Dummies" then. Plus Soft Cell in colour... which reminds me about the stomach (sniiiiipppp!!!!! - that's definately enough - ED)
Amazingly enough, Toyah Wilcox was actually a popstar. Really. Hit singles and stuff. I even went to see her live. I was young and didn't know any better. Don't ask me to listen to her stuff now, I know it wouldn't be good. Back then though she was ideal cover fodder for ver Hits, and this was a promotional shoot for her new single "Brave New World". Unbelievably she made the cover ahead of Adam Ant, the Bunnymen & Duran! Madness. Who coincidentally were also inside.
Oh look. Laughing boy Terry Hall's back with some sort of dead animal on his head. And there's a free quiz book as well (most Smash Hits gifts in the early years were quite frankly shit, and this was no exception). Bow Wow Wow had finally managed a hit with "Go Wild In The Country" and were inside, along with the Trevor Horn produced shiny pop duo Dollar again, New Order finding their feet after the demise of Joy Division, and Joan Jett who'd just had a number one with "I Love Rock & Roll"... and would never be heard of again. Quite right too.
It became noticeable that Nick Heyward was becoming a bit of a separate entity from the rest of Haircut 100, only 6 months on from their first hit. Indeed, during 1982 he parted ways with the band and became a solo artist. He was ideal pin up material for Smash Hits and always gave good copy. Here he is being his cute chirpy self wrapped in trademark sweater. Simple Minds are featured in this issue, on the verge of releasing their breakthrough album "New Gold Dream". So are Pigbag, an indie band who had a massive crossover hit with "Papa's Got A Brand New Pigbag". Hit songs from ver Mode, jazz-wank lounge band Shakatak, and fab-Macca-wacky-thumbs-aloft. And hey, who's that? It's Soft Cell! Mine's a pint! (that's it, you're fired - Ed).
