Charidy, mate

Last Friday (the 16th of March) was Comic Relief Day (The Big One), and our place of work was full of the usual money raising events for this worthwhile charity. Usually Warbreck House's phone helplines are given over to Comic Relief for the night in order to take donations, and this year was no different. Celia decided that she'd like to volunteer to man the phones for some of the night, and this year I said I'd join her in some capacity. I wasn't sure what I would do, whether it would be dishing out food and drinks for the volunteers or strapping on a headset and taking donations.

As it was, we both spent three and a half hours taking credit card numbers etc over the phone from the brilliant British public, calling from diverse locations as far up as the Highlands, from Northern Ireland, all the way across to Norfolk. I was especially impressed by the generosity shown; every little bit counted, from the one caller giving £250, to the Dad who rang on behalf of his little girl who wanted to donate £10 of her pocket money.

Never doubt the power of television. Following one film on the night showing how a simple mosquito net could save a child's life, there was a surge in telephone calls donating money, some callers becoming quite emotional because of this.

I wasn't sure whether I could do this sort of thing, not being familiar with the set up and never having used the headset before, but by the end of my stint, I was buzzing. I was amazed at the high you get from doing this, and after a slow start, I was ploughing through the calls quite happily, exchanging banter with the callers and having a good laugh. It really felt good to be helping make a difference, and I know Celia felt the same.

Big shout out here to all those who helped, supplying water, grub and helping out when the inevitable technical difficulties occurred. Also it was strange to be sat opposite our boss, Chief Executive Terry Moran (below) who was also giving up time that night to help on calls!

In the end, our call centre took £110,854.83 in donations on the night from a total of 3919 call. I personally took £1160.00 (an average of £48.33 per call) from 24 callers on the night. Not bad for a first try!! Old hand Celia did even better, taking £1260.00 (£40.65 average over 31 calls)!!

We got back home at just after 10.30 to watch the rest of the night's entertainment, and cracked open a beer and scoffed a Domino's pizza. Well deserved we thought! Here's to the next one!

On The Buses

Last Thursday, the 15th March I was assaulted by scum on a bus.

That's got you interested.

A number 6 bus sans chavs

I'll give a quick rundown of the events. I'm leaving work late, so I get the southbound Number 6 route bus from near work to the stop near home. It's something I do at least once a week when not in the car. The bus is not busy, as it's after 7 at night.

Halfway home, two girls and two male youths board the bus. The males are dressed in baseball caps, trackie bottoms, big jackets, dead classy, you know the sort. Male number one pays the driver, whilst the others sit down across the way from me. The girls have balloons, and are a bit noisy, male number two has a bottle of Smirnoff Ice and looks like your average chav scum. Sorry, I know I should be impartial here, but fuck it, they look like the dregs of the Jobcentre.

Male number one wanders up the bus, also with Smirnoff Ice drink visible in his hand. He doesn't sit down. He stands and start singing loudly. They find this amusing somehow.

Well, I'm dead impressed by this and look elsewhere, minding my own business, just hoping that the journey's over quickly.

Male number one shouts to me and asks me why I'm looking so miserable. Usually common sense would tell me to say nowt, but as I'd been waiting 20 minutes for the bleeding bus to turn up in the first place, I was not in the mood.

I ask him to mind his own business, I just wanted to sit here quietly and get home, and if I'm looking miserable it's because I don't want to be bothered by you. This to him is an affront and he calls me a little prick. Now, this riles me, as this dolescum cap wearing chav-twat has the nerve to talk to me like that.

Male number two gets involved then and decides to spit at me.

At this point, stunned, I stand up and have to force myself not to lunge at him. Instead I drop to their base level, swear profusely at the pair of them, forcefully push male number one out of the way (as he was trying to stop me getting past) and rush down to the front of the bus to report this to the driver.

The driver is none too impressed at my telling him that I've been assaulted. "What do you want me to do about it?" he says. Flabbergasted, I say "Right then, if it had been you that had been spat at, you'd be onto the Police a bit sharpish." No answer. So much for these posters on the buses saying that anybody spitting could be traced via DNA. Only if the driver is being spat at. Much more verbal abuse comes from the party of dole monkeys at the other end of the bus, saying that "we never did anything". Yeah, so this spit on my face is my own then is it? I'm appalled at this point. Of course, everybody else on the bus is doing there best not to get involved.

The driver pulls over about four stops later and says "Right, do you want to call the Police then?", indicating that I should get off and go to to a call box. I tell him to forget it. What's the point, the scum would deny it, the driver didn't see anything and nobody on the bus is going to jump to my defence as they just want to get home. 4 against 1.

At this point the girls are getting involved, shouting to me to "get a sense of humour and chill out". "I'd like to chill out love but it's hard when your twat of a boyfriend has just spat at me".

She then says that he was out of order and she's told him so. "That's all well and good love, but it doesn't alter the fact that he assaulted me". Male number two at this point has started taking pictures of me with his chavphone. "What's good is that going to do then?" I ask, and I take my own picture of him, waving my Motorola right in his face.

A scumbag c**t earlier

One of the girls then exclaims "We'll have you for being racist".

All four of them were as white as can be, despite the Elizabeth Duke bling. What really can you say to that?

"Err, how am I being racist love?" I query, laughing in disbelief at this latest example of thickness.

"It's because we're young!" she shouts.

The guy sat near me at the front of the bus minding his own business is visibly sniggering at this.

"Ahh, you mean ageist then. I'm not having a go because you're young, it's because you're wankers."

At this point male number one is doing that puffed up face thing, clearly annoyed as I'm making them look a bit stupid. As if. I can hear him saying "I'm going to kill him".

It's at this point that we're nearly home, so I decide as the journey has been so pleasant, I'd get off a stop early and so, with a departing gesture of a swift raising of the middle finger in the direction of the Mereside scum, I take my leave.

When I reach home a couple of minutes later, it's as much as I can do to stop myself jumping into the car and driving over to their intended destination, which I overheard on the bus to be McDonalds (well, I say overheard - when lout number one loudly slurs his intended destination at the driver, you can't help but notice). What I would have done when I got there Christ knows, but when you're seeing red, all logic goes out of the window. The way I was feeling, I'd still be in the cells now.

I didn't bother reporting this to the police. Foolish maybe, but a) the Police are stretched as it is and b) what's the point in going through the tedious rigmarole of reliving this incident over and over again, even if the cops managed to find the wankers involved? How do you single out a bunch of chavscumbags on a council estate full of chavscumbags? Waste of my time and the Police's time.

After being calmed down by Celia, I did report this to Blackpool Transport, sorry Metro Coastlines (rebrand - you can't polish a turd) as there were a couple of points they needed to sort out, and I felt that it would be useful to report the incident, just in case the arseholes managed to use their one braincell between them and try to report their version of the incident themselves to either the Police or the bus company.

Point number 1. The number 6 bus starts at one rough estate ending at another. There are no CCTV equipped buses used on this route, so the incident that occurred would not have been recorded anywhere, really helping any case I might have wanted to pursue. Why are the CCTV buses not used on this notoriously dodgy route?

Point number 2. The bus driver contravened regulations by letting two people onto the bus with alcohol. These drinks were clearly visible on boarding. So much for zero tolerence towards alcohol on the streets and buses. He was dead helpful when it came to the incident itself, not. The bottom line is he should have refused to let them on.

Metro Coastlines won't do anything of course. The last time I made a complaint to them (this was about verbal abuse I received from one of their drivers) I got a timetable through the post in response. Riiiiight.

So there you go. My tale of woe. Nobody got hurt but this has just been a timely reminder to me that really if you're travelling on Blackpool's public transport system, be prepared for the worst.

What was it Travis Bickle said in "Taxi Driver"? "Some day a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets".

I wish.

"In the City there's a thousand things I wanna say to you"

This woman above is looking upset.

She is called Nicki.

Nicki is a Manchester City fan.

Nicki is used to being unhappy, being an avid City fan. She is especially unhappy in this picture above.

She has been watching her beloved club in the FA cup. Blackburn Rovers 2-O beat them. They are out of the cup. This is nothing new. She is used to such poor performances. She is a City fan. She is used to cup failure.

This was especially poor however. She feels her team didn't really put 100% into their performance.

Nicki is not happy about this. And seeing as she lives and breathes City, she feels aggrieved.

Her friends around her in the picture feel the same. They are also used to disappointment on a regular basis. As they are also City fans.

They are shouting at their players. They are shouting on national television. They are not shouting nice things. They are shouting, "You're not fit to wear the shirt" and "Pearce, you Cockney wanker".

Which is not nice. But true.

Joey plays for City. He is critical of his team-mates. They don't seem to care as much as he does. Joey tells them this. Team spirit is about as existent as trophies at City.

Joey had a bad match also. He got booked and was lucky not to have been sent off. He went over to his fans at the end of the match. He appreciates their loyal support and throws his shirt into the crowd. They don't appreciate Joey and his team-mates' effort. They tell him so. He drops his shorts to show his backside at them as he walks away. This is what passes for sophistication at City.

Nicki is still not happy and goes on Sky Sports News the next day to express her displeasure at the season so far.

Because Manchester City have been knocked out of all cup competitions (again).

They are fourth from the bottom of the Premier League.

They haven't won a trophy since 1976.

And that was only the League Cup.

It could be argued then that the current team ARE fit to wear the shirt, based on the rubbish of the last three decades, and that Nicki and friends are wrong.

Stuart is the manager. He is not very popular at the moment with the fans. He says “"I will not shrink away from this situation ... there's not a great deal wrong at this football club and it's up to me to turn it around.”

"Not a great deal" is an apposite phrase. Stuart isn’t good at great deals. He has frittered away nearly £10m on the likes of Georgios Samaras, Bernardo Corradi and Darius Vassell. They are players who haven’t performed and are the reasons City are the second-lowest scorers in the Premiership. This is why they are freefalling towards the drop zone.

Manchester City play Chelsea on Wednesday night. Oh dear. They’ve still got the likes of Liverpool to play also. Oh no. And their second to last game of the season is against Manchester United. Stress! Conceivably, United could clinch the Premiership by then and send City down to the Championship. Which would make City fans sad.

At least with United coming they’d have their biggest attendance of the season. For City are unable to fill their stadium each match. I say their stadium. I mean the Council's. Their highest attendance so far this year was just over 42,000, out of 47,726 seats. Usually much less though.

So either their fan base is dwindling (and based on the shite they have to watch who can blame them?) or fans are disguised as blue seats. It must be the latter. City are the best-supported club in Manchester. Nicki and her bitter friends would tell you this until they were blue in the face.

Anyway, by the time the good team in Manchester come to visit, Stuart might be gone. He hasn't done very well. Much like the managers before him. It's a tradition. Poor old Stuart.

But Nicki probably will still be there. As will some of her grumpy friends (and the ones that have disguised themselves as blue seats).

Misguided fools.

31 years and counting.

"Never ever have I ever felt so low..." When Bands Get Back Together

"After much speculation, Parlophone has confirmed today that All Saints are no longer part of label’s roster".

After much internet gossip and rumours, Parlophone records have dropped All Saints like a hot brick.

"The group, who reformed in November, enjoyed Top 10 success with their comeback single Rock Steady. However, the momentum was not enough to drive album interest, with the associated set "Studio 1", only managing a lowly debut at 40."

The group had a Top 10 hit with the only real obvious single from their album; the single although promoted heavily by the band was only in the charts for a few weeks and the accompanying album was buried by Parlophone as it was released slap bang in the run up to Christmas and thus never stood a chance.

"A second single, Chick Fit, also failed to perform, failing to crack to top 200 last week."

A second single, Chick Fit, was sneaked out by the record company in digital format only with minimal publicity, and unsurprisingly, failed to reach the top 200.

"In Parlophone’s official statement the label said, “Parlophone Records and All Saints have made the mutual decision to part company. Both the label and the group are proud of the album Studio 1. All Saints are excited about moving forward with their career and Parlophone wishes them the best of luck.”

In other words, Parlophone got severe cold feet after their marketing cockup over "Studio 1", and wanted to cut their losses as soon as possible. Now please leave the building.

All joking aside, comebacks are not an easy thing to do. Ask Jesus. But careful planning can circumnavigate many obstacles. Look at Take That. They calculatingly reintroduced themselves into the nation's consciousness via a "Where Are They Now?" type documentary, then when the public's nostalgia chip is triggered, announced a comeback tour with the prospect of new material if that went well.

All Saints failed because:
1) they didn't build up any demand for a comeback - why no live dates? Did anybody really want them to reform? Did anybody miss them when they spilt?
and
2) Marketing. There really must be some cackhanded people working in this department. Parlophone released the album far too early (they should have waited until after the second single) and also as I said, at the wrong time of year. Nobody in their right mind wants to be bringing out NEW material in the first week of December - the shelves are clogged up with Greatest Hits albums and novelties. Also, the promo video for the "Rock Steady" single didn't play on one of the features that made them so successful first time round - their looks. Good for them you say, let the music speak, but let's by honest, sex sells, and to not play a little on this in their video is foolish. Would Kylie have been as big again without the hotpants? Debatable. And look at any of the music channels, even during the day. Christ if I was a 13 year old now watching all those almost semi-porno videos, I'd be walking round with a permanent hard-on.

"Some filth on TV earlier today"

And anyway, we've still got Sugababes so we don't actually need All Saints. Sorry. No vacancy.

So Mel, Shaznay, and the other two are the first casualty of the big musical comebacks of 2007. Yes, if you hadn't noticed, this year's trend seems to be to reform and make a comeback. So far we have:
James, Genesis, The Police, Crowded House, Take That, Happy Mondays (again), Wet Wet Wet, Smashing Pumpkins, Jesus & Mary Chain, Rage Against The Machine, Van Halen. Even Right Said Fred. Honest.

Van Halen looks to be on ice as Eddie's in rehab. Once popular East 17 tried to come back and nobody gave a toss. Ditto Five who didn't get past the press conference they organised that nobody turned up to.

Why do bands do it? What possesses them? It's usually financial, rarely artistic. Let's examine the phenomenon.

There are those bands that never really split up in the first place. Genesis probably come under that category, as they carried on when Phil Collins left, but Ray "Stiltskin" Wilson was no replacement and they never made another album with him, and have been on hiatus. They've nothing to promote, don't need the money, and seem to be doing it because they want to, despite Collins' hearing problems.

The Police also never split officially (hmmm), they just didn't put out another album or tour again. But they could be classed in another category, the "we all fell out now we're friends again (at least for the purposes of contractual obligations and anyway you've got to pay the rehab fees somehow)". Now, at least they are reconvening for an actual occasion, being their 30th Anniversary, and seem to have put their troubles behind them. Of course the shitload of cash that both The Police & Genesis will be getting for these tours is a motivating factor. I'd have loved to see them, but the ticket prices are just getting silly. £50 for a bad seat? Greedy bastards.

Another case in point are James, a favorite of Celia and I. We were there at their last Manchester gig back in 2001, and then they were no more, as singer Tim Booth wanted to explore other avenues. They were meant to continue with another singer but nothing happened. Tim Booth meanwhile did some acting and released a great solo album. Spin on to 2007, and it's announced that James are getting back together, this time because the original members got together and started jamming in a room, and decided to have another go at this pop star malarkey. A short tour sells out immediately following announcement, and a new Greatest Hits album is prepared for release around the same time, along with new material and festival dates. The whole thing seems to have been planned rather meticulously, almost too professionally - the sold out tour indicates there's a demand there from fans, whether they'll pick up any new fans is another thing. We don't care, we're just pleased to see them back again.

Then there's the "solo material isn't doing as well, we might as well put the band together and sell it as new product from the band" syndrome. Crowded House had a very healthy career and sold shed loads of records, and then Neil Finn decided to go solo, so the band split with a very emotional farewell gig at Sydney Opera House in 1996. Now Neil has had a reasonably successful solo career since, with a cult following of chin-stroking MOJO readers, gigging constantly but has not been massive commercially. So when the remaining ex-members got back together again after drummer Paul Hester's death to help out on Finn's latest solo album, they all decided that , as to all intents and purposes the material they were recording was a Crowded House album, so why not release it under the Crowded House moniker? Welcome back, anyway.


There's also the barrel scrapers. The Jam were one of the most important bands of the late 70's and early 80's, and when Paul Weller spilt the band up he went on to a successful career with The Style Council and solo. The other two, Bruce Foxton & Rick Buckler respectively went onto playing with Stiff Little Fingers and undertaking furniture restoration as a career. So when a new Jam tour is announced without Weller, you have to think "Why?" It's like the Stones without Jagger. Apparently Weller was invited to join the tour, but has declined to answer the invitation. Oh what a surprise. Still the tour dates are selling out, so who am I to criticize? As bad are INXS, who have a new singer and are touring this year. No Hutchence, no INXS.
I blame the Pixies. They split acrimoniously in the nineties, then ten years later somehow managed to kiss and make up, and reunite in style in 2004 for a very lucrative world tour, where they made more money than they did the first time round, and actually made it okay for an alternative rock band to get back together again and cash in. There was no shame in it. Inspiral Carpets did the same. Both were excellent live, if a little plumper round their stomachs.

That's where we are now. There's two camps - those who made it big first time round and made stackloads of cash and want to do it again and make stackloads more cash, and those who made it big first time and spunked it away for whatever reason, and now want the cash pay out they never got the first time.

Good luck to them all I say, even to All Saints as they try to promote their "Studio 1" album around Europe without Parlophone's "help". It's funny, but when I was younger I'd see these bands reforming and think "Urrgh, pack it in, you old bastards and give the new young bands a chance. you're past it." Now I see those same now-not-so-young bands still chipping away at the pop coalface, and I think, "good for you, why not?"

"All Saints during "happier" times in the 90's"

Mind you, I'd draw the line at Steps coming back.

Dreaming of Escape

I had a dream the other week. For some reason I was interviewing Damon Albarn of Blur. Don't ask me why or where, but I was. And we got on to the specific subject of the making of "The Great Escape", the follow up to the million seller breakthrough album "Parklife". He got very defensive about the whole thing, saying that it was a bad time in his life, and he's never felt so depressed as he was around the time of that record. He told me he felt like he was repeating himself and going through the motions, and that added to the personal problems and the stuff with Oasis had left a dark shadow over that era and it wasn't a period he liked to think about very much.

But, Damon, I said, don't be so disparaging. That's a great record. Never mind what was going on, the record you made is very good. It may have the mighty shadow of "Parklife" all over it, but it still stands up. There's some good songs on it. Don't dismiss it, go back and listen with fresh ears. Anyway he took this in the spirit it was meant and left - then I woke up.

Yes I'd rather have had a dream where I'm lathered down by stunning Playboy type beauties but there you go - an interview with Damon it was.

My opinions from the dream do carry through to reality. "The Great Escape" is a very good album, and was thought to be by the music press at the time, but a revionist view seemed to take over as soon as Oasis starting selling mega units of "Morning Glory", and "Escape" was seen to be a failure. A million selling one but a failure all the same.

Bollocks. "The Great Escape" is a fine end to a trilogy of albums starting with "Modern Life Is Rubbish" carrying through to "Parklife" which place Blur in the centre of what we know know as the "Britpop" era, and these albums sketch out portaits and mini dramas about British and more specifically London life now, filtered through the askewed vision of Albarn. These albums are very much influenced by sixties bands such as The Kinks, Small faces and The Beatles, and also old time Music Hall, with Albarn creating characters within the songs, looking on rather than singing from a personal viewpoint.

"Parklife" we all know about, but "The Great Escape"? Well it does contain "Country House" the single at the centre of the Blur vs Oasis battle, but even that has weathered better than you'd think. This album contains what I shall kindly call borrowing of musical styles from groups the Band liked, as did Parklife. The Specials influence is all over "Fade Away" for example, and it's fabulous. There are fantastic songs such as "Best Days" and "The Universal", the downbeat "He Thought Of Cars", and even the lesser songs like "Entertain Me" (the direct sequel to the previous album's "Girls & Boys") hit the mark satisfactorily. But this album was the watershed for the group, and the "Modern Life" trilogy was to end.

Coxon's increasing dissatisfaction with the style of music they were playing, coupled with Albarn's personal life and the scars from the Oasis battle changed the way they created music forever. The next album "Blur" embraced lo-fi and US alternative rock, and saw Albarn leave behind the kitchen sink dramas and songs about pervy civil servants for more personal lyrics and less conventional song structure.

They never looked back.

We hate it when our friends become successful... again

Take That have just had their second number one single in just under three months, a platinum selling album and just sold out a nationwide arena tour later this year in about an hour. It's just like it's the mid 90's again.

Robbie Williams is currently in rehab. It's just like the mid 90's again.

Sometimes it's hard to feel sorry for Mr Williams but let's face it, things are not going as well as they have been in the past for Rob, whereas his ex-colleagues in Take That are currently undergoing an astonishing comeback, partly fuelled by nostalgia but also with some bloody good tunes. So what's gone wrong for him?

I won't go over his early career, you all know it off by heart - there's one thing you can say about him, every thing's been out there, there's no secrets - but I'll start with the dissolution of his writing partnership with Guy Chambers in 2002. The "Escapology" album yielded massive hits such as "Sexed Up" & "Feel", and Williams was at his commercial peak, selling out Knebworth, but at this point he felt that he needed to change and didn't really need Chambers anymore. Personally, I don't know if this was the correct decision but the writing had become a little samey. I mean, how many more songs can you write about how rotten it is being a popstar?

"Out with Chambers, In with Duffy"

So out goes Chambers, in comes one of Williams's heroes, Stephen "TinTin" Duffy, and formerly of press faves The Lilac Time. Now, it's a bit odd really that he seems to keep collaborating with people who he admired when he was younger. Guy Chambers was a member of World Party, a fave of Williams's and also he always loved The Lilac Time. Hmmm. Never mind.

It wasn't immediately obvious that a change in direction was coming, as although his promotional single for the Greatest Hits album "Radio" was a bit odd, he'd released odd one-off singles before, such as "Rock DJ" so there was no indication that this was to be the norm. Indeed the second new single from that album "Misunderstood" was a typical ballad which you'd expect to find on the soundtrack of a "Bridget Jones" movie or something. Oh, it was you say? There you go.

His next album "Intensive Care" was the first full outing without Chambers, but despite of Duffy's involvement, still wasn't light years away from his previous records. The reggae-stroke-Police influenced "Tripping" single and the radio friendly "Advertising Space" sold well and were regular staples on the radio playlists for months, but the album sales, whilst impressive for an ordinary artist, were disappointing in comparison to Williams's other albums, especially bearing in mind the new megabuck contract he'd renegotiated. The final single "Sin Sin Sin" didn't even reach the top 20, as it was badly promoted by the company and Williams. Something was up. Had parting with Chambers been a big mistake? Still, his 2006 Summer Tour was announced and sold out almost immediately so it was obvious that he was still a big live draw.

Let's remember at this point that Rob had now decided to give up on being a success in America. They were immune to his charms, with only minor hits so far, so publicly he said that he wasn't bothered about cracking America, and had decided to live there instead, as he could be inconspicuous there. Something which I'm sure EMI would have been happy with. Not.

Meanwhile, four blokes he used to be in a group with in the 90's had decided, after a favourable reaction to an ITV documentary and reissued Greatest Hits album, to announce a comeback tour. Which sold out immediately. Take That were back, and the rumours started flying about that Robbie would get back together with his former bandmates.

Now let's fly back a few paragraphs to that "Radio" single. It was noticeable different to his other releases. In the excellent Chris Heath "Feel" book, which followed Rob around for over a year and gave a candid and frank insight into the life of this troubled star, Williams mentions that he had these ideas for songs which he felt were soooo not "Robbie Williams" that he'd thought about releasing them under a different name or pseudonym. "Radio" was one of these, and the idea of him releasing an album of songs, which were based on his influences and would possibly not be what his audience wanted, had been there lurking in the background for a while. It would be a risk, but surely he now had the clout to take that risk?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... "Rudebox".

Originally scheduled to be called 1974 (the year Williams was born) on first listen to this album, you'd think that he's lost the plot altogether. What the hell is going on? It looks as if it's an album of b-sides and demos, as there appears to be no cohesion at all. However, you'd be wrong. This is one you've got to persevere with.

However, many people haven't bothered to purchase it in order to persevere, a chief reason for which would be the lead single from the album, "Rudebox" which frankly is shite and would put anybody off. Yes it was a hit but it really is rubbish. Based as it is around the tune from Sly & Robbie's 80's hit "Boops", it features some lame lyrics and rapping from Williams. Now, some say that this bloke from Stoke shouldn't rap (hi Karen!) and on this evidence they'd be right. The press judged this single as a failure. He responded to the criticism by joking about it, telling an audience at his concert in Leeds on September 8th that the song was "number one... in Germany". He also made the comment "be honest" at the end of performing the song at Roundhay, possibly indicating that even he wasn't that sure about it.

However, once you've got past that track (hurrah for the skip button) you'd be pleasantly surprised. Honest. The album is made up of collaborations with hot producers and artists such as William Orbit , Mark Ronson and Lily Allen, cover versions of The Human League's "Louise"and Stephen Duffy's "Kiss Me", and two efforts with the Pet Shop Boys.

Williams had made no secret of his love for 80s hip hop and electro, as well as his love of the Pet Shop Boys "Behaviour" album as well as the work of the late Ian Dury, and this comes over strongly on the album. there's nothing on this album that would have fitted comfortably on his previous ones. It's "wonky pop" as he says himself. His rapping actually works in the context of the album, especially on the autobiographical "80's" & "90s" tracks, the latter of which is another timely outburst about his time in "his first band". I personally think it's a very brave and interesting album, not necessarily good all the way through but very very listenable and quite possibly the best thing he's done, and surprisingly not in the least bit self indulgent. So there. And his cover of "Kiss Me" is done exactly like the original version, not the version that was the big hit. Which is uber cool.

The excellent PSB collaboration and current single "She's Madonna" was hoped to be the one that would lift sales of the album, but this idea appears to have gone tits up, as currently Williams is unable to do any publicity for the track being in rehab, and the video for the single is a bit weird featuring him in drag. A shame really, as this is classic PSB and deserves to be a big hit. Currently the single is sitting in the midweek chart on the first week of release as a physical single at number 17. Take That's "Patience" is at number 18... and that's been on release 17 weeks.

("She's Madonna" was apparently inspired by a conversation Williams had with Guy Ritchie about the way Ritchie left his ex-girlfriend for Madonna. According to the UK tabloid newspaper The Sun, Williams wanted Madonna to star alongside him in the video, but when Guy Ritchie realised the song was based on the line he used to leave Tania Strecker for Madonna — "I love you, baby, but face it, she's Madonna," — he dropped out of the project altogether! I wonder why?)

The album was unusually well reviewed by the music press, with many publications who'd previously never given him the time of day giving glowing reviews, and it has so far moved over 800,000 units in the United Kingdom and almost 3.5 million worldwide. However these sales have been seen to be a bit of a flop and allegedly it's cost two execs their jobs at the record company. If they'd only have looked at releasing something less... shit as the lead single, like "Viva Life On Mars" and I think they'd be on to a winner commercially.

As it is, yes the singles went Top 10, but only briefly, and just before Christmas, Take That released their first single in over 10 years which went straight to number one, as did their album. And stayed there. On the morning of the Brit Awards, a press release came out informing that Robbie Wiliams had entered a rehabilitation centre in the US on the 13th of February 2007 (which is also his 33rd birthday) and was receiving treatment for addiction to the anti-depressant Seroxat and Xanax, although he did enter of his own accord.

Later that night, Take That won the Brit Award for best single.

Ouch.

I'm really reading inbetween the lines here, but it's not unreasonable to suppose that the commercial reaction to something that was a personal labour of love, added to the fact that his former band were back and doing far better than him, may have been just two of the factors leading to Williams's current predicament. Publically he has been said to be happy about the reunion and on good terms but who knows how he really feels? It could have been enough to push someone who is already a bit fragile over the edge.

Looking through Wikipedia, I notice that he's got another "swing" album scheduled for release later in 2007. Now if this is true or not I don't know, but if it is, it would indicate an artist who's been badly burned by alleged failure and is under pressure to deliver commercially by his record company, so what better than to play safe and record a sequel to his number one "Swing When You're Winning" album. Everybody will love that, oh yes. I hope that this isn't the case and he's doing it because he genuinely wants to.

Get well soon.

The art of U2

I love U2, and there's no doubt in my mind that they are one of the biggest and best bands of the last 30 years. But in my eyes, sometimes their visual image has let them down. In the 80's they always looked gloomy on their sleeves, the archetypal student band, looking angst ridden and serious in the middle of a desert or next to a ruined castle. Don't get me wrong, I loved the music but I wouldn't have wanted a poster or t-shirt from around that era. When it came to "The Joshua Tree" and "Rattle & Hum" campaigns, yes the imagery was striking and well coordinated but by God you can have too many black and white moody poses. Something had to change. It was time to lighten up...

In 1991, U2 discovered COLOUR.


In a remarkable about turn, the band threw out everything you'd expect from old U2, and released possibly one of their most bleakest subject matter albums but dressed it up with a new sound and new imagery, and fooled us all. "Achtung Baby" is in their words "the sound of four men cutting down the Joshua Tree " and is a tremendous album which I can't do justice to here in a few words so I'm going to concentrate on paying due respect to the imagery.

Whereas once we'd get Anton Corbijn's gorgeous single group portraits ala "Unforgettable Fire" or "Tree", here we got 16 (36 on the vinyl version!) different images from him, plus those on the back cover, any one of which would sum up the album suitable and would look stunning as the cover image alone (well perhaps not the cow image). Also, it's not as if they employed a different designer as Steve Averill has overseen the design of all their artwork over the years, yet here he gives the band the new look which instantly demands attention.

Four of the singles from "Achtung Baby" had covers (below) which when put together formed one main image of the group sitting in one of their trademark Trabants, a car from pre-Berlin Wall fall East Germany appropriated by the group as an icon for the album. Didn't make sense at first but by the third single you (literally) got the picture.


The accompanying "Zoo TV" tour saw the band experimenting with visual imagery in a way they'd never before explored (or had any other group to be honest) and when they surprisingly released the "Zooropa" album during the tour, this used many of the images and design work which they'd made use of during the worldwide trek, mainly the graffitti'd Russian cosmonaut against the circular stars motif, their "flag emblem of Zooropa", which forced it's way onto most of the sleeves, as you can see below:

A variation of this image features on the "Stay (Faraway, So Close!)" limited CD single, incorporating the Victory Column from Berlin, which was an important part of the video for the single and the Wim Wenders film from which it was taken:

The videosingle for "Numb":
and the promo CD for "Numb":

Above is the reverse of the "Zooropa" album sleeve, again featuring this multi image design, somehow giving nothing away about the content of the album, yet telling you everything you need to know at the same time. This is carried forward to the promo sleeve for "Stay (Faraway, So Close!)", where a variation on this theme is introduced in this repeated four image design, with each image coloured digitally Warhol style. Again, the motif is the Victory Column:The "Lemon" remixes sleeve is similar:


This became something of a U2 design trademark, and was something which Averill used heavily during the next album campaign, as 1997's underrated "Pop" depicts the group in the same way, using Anton Corbijn band portraits. It is admittedly a pretty dreadful cover.


Again, the multi imaging of Adam Clayton on the "Staring at the Sun" single and the Irish Leaders for "Please":


I personally think this promo sleeve for "Mofo" would have made a better album cover for "Pop":

It's ironic that most of the promo covers were actually better than the real thing (no pun intended), as I rather like this one below, but it never got used on any commercial release:

After the colour and brashness of the "Pop" era, it was back to basics for their next release. Maybe it was down to the release of their "Best Of 1980 -1990" which made the group hark back to their early days, as the "All That You Can't Leave Behind" album and associated releases reverted back to the single band image, in black and white, but this time it was all a bit more stylish, retaining the traditional U2 imagery but bringing it up to date, much like the music had harked back to the old U2 sound, but was actually still very modern. Nice font and graphics throughout. 9 out of 10. Very good.

And so then in 2005, we come full circle and get this abomination. What on earth were they thinking?

Ok, nice font for the logo and title granted, but really, is that the best they could come up with? It looks like a bootleg. Dull isn't in it. Maybe in this day of downloading MP3's, good design on a album sleeve isn't important, especially when you've got into bed with Apple advertising iPods. It does sum up for me an album which isn't quite right, there's something missing, and it's not one of my favourites. Some good tracks but doesn't make me want to go back to it. However, they've redeemed themselves on the limited edition version, which is lovely:

Still, it's interesting to see what design was used for the online digital only release of their entire back catalogue. A nice mix of old and new. They just couldn't let that multi image design go!

So what have we learned here? Not a lot, apart from that the 90's saw U2 at their most experimental and most interesting, pushing the idea of what U2 was all about as far as it could go, and this is my favourite era, both musically and visually. Now go back and rediscover those records.