It's Back! Back! BACK!!! The Genius of Smash Hits

To celebrate the special Michael Jackson commemorative issue of "Smash Hits" that's being sold next week, I thought I'd trawl the internet to see if I could find some old issues of the magazine that was my fortnightly bible during the 80's. And hey - guess what? There's not much to be found documenting this esteemed journal of pop. But trawling auction sites I did find these glorious examples. This isn't going to be an indepth look at the magazine, just poking a bit of fun at 80's fashions and hair - it's a journey which is more of a celebration of the highs and lows of the amazing world of (SNIIIIIP! that's enough - ED).

In the beginning the mag was a monthly humourless affair, full of song lyrics and posters of Plastic Bertrand or Sham 69. But as it sold well it was decided to make it fortnighly and therefore more up to date with the charts.

This was one of my first ever issues. Obviously it was the Squeeze flexidisc that swung it for me. I think I've still got it actually. From this point I bought it on and off until around the start of 1981 when I became a regular for the next eight years. And what years they were readers... ahh, I remember them well (that's enough of that - ED).

To your right we've got a cover from the early days of the mag... and there's no obvious reason why nu-mod one hit wonders Secret Affair were on the cover. What next? The Lambrettas? That was part of the charm of Smash Hits - they'd frequently screw up and feature some band who'd go on to do sod all. Jimmy the Hoover anybody? "Time For Action" was a good stomper, but one good song a career does not make as my great great grandfather never said. Bah! Still, nil desperandum as there's the lyrics to "Don't Bring Me Down" by ELO inside. "Groooose!!" Huzzah! An article on The Who! And Joe Jackson in colour! That'll keep the kids away from the fire.

It doesn't get much better in 1980, really. Bryan Ferry - that's what the kids want. Not to mention pain in the arse Scots funster B.A. Robertson in colour. An article on rockabilly rebels Matchbox and Deptford's finest Squeeze can only hint at the cultural vaccuum that was 1980. But look yonder! Hope is on the horizon, as Orchestral Manoeuvres are also in colour. Plus Human League albums to be won (presumably the excellent "Travelogue"). And of course you can sing along in the playground to Siouxsie & the Banshees "Christine".

Not all bad though. Here's loopy foxtress Kate Bush! All pout and hair. Probably promoting "Wow" or some other bizarre single. Toyah and the Undertones are in colour this ish. Now Toyah... okayyyy, punky popster, fair do's but who wants Feargal Sharkey and the other three in glorious technicolour? Apart from themselves if they need a passport renewing. Also that exciting Phil Lynott article... snore. Basically you'd be just buying this issue for Kate.... phwoar! (That's enough of that Uncle Disgusting! Back to the coal shed with you! - ED)

Moving on to 1981 and a new logo! But still a bit lacking when it comes to proper pop stars. God bless her soul but there's no way that Kirsty MacColl was ever going to be comfortable with being a "pop" star, and she didn't even have a top 10 record but got a front cover. Still, that was Smash Hits, sometimes they had the most unlikely cover stars. And at least it wasn't Crass adorning the cover. Brrrrr.

A classic Adam Ant image adorns this issue's cover, from his "Hoist the Jolly Roger!" era ant output. But behold - what this? Squeeze? Whitesnake? And Linx in colour? Yeah, that's what we need, a bespectacled David Grant poster. Wooo. Good job I didn't buy it for the posters. Except when the lovely Kim Wilde was featured...

And check her out on the cover of this issue from November '81.... errr.... oh dear. She's looking a bit bored, readers. Me thinks she's trying to be sultry but it's not working. Maybe she's parked on a meter. Still the rest of the mag looks a bit more jolly, with the likes of Soft Cell, "Tears Are Not Enough"-era ABC, Altered Images and errr, Gillan. Well, British Heavy Metal was big in 1981, people forget this. It wasn't all New Romantics and eyeliner you know. Hit songs by Haircut 100 - that'll be "Favourite Shirts" then - and Four Tops... because you need those words to "When She Was My Girl". Honest.

To be fair, the magazine hadn't really found it's groove just yet, but the humour was creeping into the mag. Despite Kim's moody face. Here's a poster of her realizing that some sod has put blinds over her bedroom mirror by mistake. Tut. Still, it helps wipe away the memories of those later Holland & Barrett adverts and gardening tips. Oh and "Rocking Around The Christmas Tree".

Oh look. It's Paul & Andy from OMD modelling for the latest Grattan catalogue. Oh that can't be right, this is Smash Hits. The scouse synth duo get a cover feature to tie in with their latest album "Architecture & Morality (& Chunky Knitwear)". It's all getting a bit more swingorilliant though as there's a Dollar interview and Duran Duran in there as well as Adam (no need for the "Ant" I notice at this point) and bloody Squeeze again. In colour no less. I can't imagine who'd want a picture of Squeeze in colour outside of their parents.

Remember Bow Wow Wow? That's right, the ones who used to be the Ants before jumping ship to work with Malcolm McLaren, leaving poor old Adam high and dry, except he went onto be massive and they didn't. Here is a cover featuring their photogenic singer only, Annabella Lwin. Blimey they hadn't even had a hit single at this point, with "Go Wild In The Country" some six months away. Note that Julian Cope & Tenpole Tudor are considered worthy of pin-up status. Sing along to Ultravox's number 14 hit "The Thin Wall", or "Love Action" by ver League ("Well this is Phil talking...)

Oh shit. Who invited Gary Numan to the party? Yep, he was still around in 1981, crashing planes and experimenting with jazz-funk stylings to little commercial success. Still, I actually liked this at the time, but these days the image of Alan Partridge playing air bass-guitar haunts me so we'll move on.
It's looking more popmongous as Depeche Mode, Shaky and Modern Romance are all in colour, Plus that essential Meat Loaf article. Nice to see Simple Minds there, a good year before they went massive.

As 1981 draws to a close there's more signs of poptasticness with Duran in full tea-towel-round-head regalia, a free poster of Adam or The Police or Spandau Ballet (in their "funk" phase. Oh dear) and a Shakin' Stevens comic strip. What the hell was that about then? Good to see Madness in there, they were a constant delight back then, and of course Hazel O'Connor - she was like an early 80's Lady Ga Ga, kids. In that she had also two legs and breasts. Which you could say about chickens. So there you have it. Hazel O'Connor - early 80's poultry.

Still, even in 1981, the pop scene moved pretty fast. Take the case of The Specials. Massive Ska influenced Coventry combo, has number one single of the summer of 81 in "Ghost Town", then disintegrates - less than 4 months later Terry Hall, Neville Staples & Lynval Goulding form Fun Boy Three, the ironically monickered spin-off, and continued to be massive, with firt hit "The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum". Forget the Specials reforming, lets have FB3 back performing. And just look at how happy Terry is in front of the camera, folks.

Before... and after.

In 1981, The Human League had finally kicked their artyness into touch by letting Ian Craig Marsh & Martyn Ware go off and become Heaven 17, whilst Phil stayed behind, recruited a couple of girls from a disco and made the best pop record this side of Abba in the form of "Dare!"., which went on to be massive. As you can tell from the cover of this late 1981 issue, they're overjoyed. Electropop goes from strength to strength, with Japan & Simon Le Bon both in colour within these pages. Beware though, Godley & Creme were also inside, probably promoting that bloody awful "Wedding Bells" single. Hit songs by Bad Manners and ver Quo also. What was the public thinking of?

Moody pop stars eh? Cheer up for God's sake. You could do with taking a leaf out of the book of this lovely lassie...
... Clare Grogan, of Altered Images, who were really the archetypal Smash Hits band. Pop, but had that alternative cred, championed by John Peel, had a single called "Dead Pop Stars", crashed into the chart with the ultra catchy "Happy Birthday", and fitted equally comfortably on "Top Of The Pops" and "The Old Grey Whistle Test". Fab.

And so we leave 1981 behind, and 1982 awaits... when Smash Hits became the mag we remember, when writers such as Mark Ellen, David Hepworth, Dave Rimmer and Neil Tennant were churning out witty insightful pieces every fortnight. And we had decent pop stars who looked the part and were in on the joke.

To be continued...