Yes it's the Brit Awards 2007. The usual bollocks punctuated by the odd good bit, but this time broadcast "live" for the first time since the Fox & Fleetwood disaster of 1989. Ooh, dangerous. Not really as ITV had a 30 second delay to cut out any outrageous swearing, the c*nts. Saying it was live it was all a bit dull, and the artists and guests chosen were about as edgy and liable to rock the boat as Aled Jones on Songs Of Praise. Chilli Peppers I'm looking at you here - when did you become so corporate and safe?
Now, onto Joss Stone. It's very easy for me to to sit here and take the piss.. so I will. She was only there to present an award to James Morrison (who?) but she provided the only example of true car crash TV all night. She strode on stage, legs up to her neck, dressed in what could only be kindly described as an A
ustralian's nightmare (copyright Spinal Tap), her long blonde hair replaced by some purple frizz nightmare - she looked strangely like Aveline from "Bread" crossed with Crystal Tipps.
ustralian's nightmare (copyright Spinal Tap), her long blonde hair replaced by some purple frizz nightmare - she looked strangely like Aveline from "Bread" crossed with Crystal Tipps.She then regaled the crowd with a broad American accented "How's it goin'?". You're from Devon for fuck's sake, not Noo Yark. I'm not expecting her to sit on a fence chewing hay, telling strangers that they're "not welcome round these parts", but I've not seen such a travesty since Sheena Easton retur
ned to the stage in Glasgow in the 80's after too long in the States, shouting "How ya doin' Glaaaasgowwww" before being bottled off.
ned to the stage in Glasgow in the 80's after too long in the States, shouting "How ya doin' Glaaaasgowwww" before being bottled off.Sideshow Joss then prowled the stage like she owned it and everybody had come to see her, cringingly asked the crowd to give tribute to Robbie Williams currently in rehab ("for what he's goin' through"), then sang a few bars of Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" (who'd just left the stage after singing the same song minutes earlier). Tumbleweed ahoy. You could hear a pin drop. Misjudged doesn't even come close to a description. Proof if it be needed that you shouldn't take a talented teenager to America and keep telling her she's brilliant. Joss Stone? Stoned more like. Or Toss Stone. I'd rather had watched Joss Ackland.
It wasn't all bad, or at least it wasn't if you've got Sky+ and can fast forward through it. Russell Bra
nd was surprisingly good in his role as compere (although he's still a bit like an ADHD Noel Fielding), The Killers and Ms Winehouse were fine live (the latter in full nervous Dusty mode), and full marks to those crrayzeee Arctic Monkeys for snubbing the ceremony because they were busy, then in their acceptance speech videos dressing up as the Village People and the characters from "The Wizard Of Oz" and replacing their new guitarist with a Sheffield builder named Stussy, and then turning up at the Oasis after show party. They weren't busy at all! Rock & Roll!
nd was surprisingly good in his role as compere (although he's still a bit like an ADHD Noel Fielding), The Killers and Ms Winehouse were fine live (the latter in full nervous Dusty mode), and full marks to those crrayzeee Arctic Monkeys for snubbing the ceremony because they were busy, then in their acceptance speech videos dressing up as the Village People and the characters from "The Wizard Of Oz" and replacing their new guitarist with a Sheffield builder named Stussy, and then turning up at the Oasis after show party. They weren't busy at all! Rock & Roll!Talking of Oasis, we have to take a moment to pay tribute to Liam Gallagher's singing voice, which sadly passed away on Wednesday 14th February at approximately 9:40 PM.
Liam Gallagher's Singing Voice1993 - 2007
RIP
"Once the voice of Britpop, now the voice of Frank Sidebottom"
"Toniiiiiiiiight, I'm a fantastic Rock n Roll staaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr, you know I am, I realllly aammm. Our kid."
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