An Urgent Message From The Cat

Hello. It's me again. Greebo.

You may recognize me from my starring roles in the hit "Balancing Precariously On Fences" series of movies, and from the TV series "If I Had Thumbs..." (a spin off from the successful movie comedy "You Eat This Catfood Shit, Human").

I'm here to hijack the bald one's blog-thing again. He's got a nicer telly thing since the last time I had a go, and the pressy thing is my colour. Nice.

Anyway, I'm here to complain about the pretty one's behaviour over the past week or so. Last week she came back from that "work" thing they mention, lulled me into a false sense security and shoved me in that cage that moves. Next thing I know I'm transported millions of miles away to the evil bright place with a table. Naturally, she didn't let me out for my daily constitutional so I had to piss in the box when she went round the corner in the so called "car" - now that was a lovely surprise for her when they got me out of the cage. I say "they". It was her and that vet bastard.

He injected me with the pointy sharp thing whilst I was covered in my own piss. I mean, this is not good. Oh the humiliation. It was like something out of Guantanomo Bay (hey you think I don't read the papers?).

Back in the bastard cage and the noisy engine car thing, and I'm home. A bit stinky but I'll sort that out, just leave me woman. But no. She has to go and put me in the sink. with water in it. And bath me. I bath myself thank you very much. Shampoo? Get stuffed, what's wrong with the tongue anyway? So I gave her some scratches and I think she knows she's done wrong and won't try it again. Don't try to buy me off with Tuna either... hmmm.. tuna... lovely... no! Must resist!! Back on subject!

I've never been so humiliated in all my life. To compound the bad day, she got the hot windy machine on me but I wasn't having that - that was one bad thing too many. It couldn't have been any worse if the binmen had come that day.

Where was the bald one during all this? He waltzes in and tries to make me think that it was all okay. Well it isn't. And they left me overnight again this week with just a big bowl of food and a warm house.. hang on that's not too bad. I'll let them off there.

However either of you try the bath thing again and you'll be hearing from my solicitors.